England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Humorous stories, English; Short stories, English
"Hors d'oeuvres have always a pathetic interest for me," said Reginald:
"they remind me of one's childhood that one goes through, wondering what
the next course is going to be like--and during the rest of the menu one
wishes one had eaten more of the hors d'oeuvres. Don't you love watching
the different ways people have of entering a restaurant? There is the
woman who races in as though her whole scheme of life were held together
by a one-pin despotism which might abdicate its functions at any moment;
it's really a relief to see her reach her chair in safety. Then there
are the people who troop in with an-unpleasant-duty-to-perform air, as if
they were angels of Death entering a plague city. You see that type of
Briton very much in hotels abroad. And nowadays there are always the
Johannesbourgeois, who bring a Cape-to-Cairo atmosphere with them--what
may be called the Rand Manner, I suppose."
"Talking about hotels abroad," said the Duchess, "I am preparing notes
for a lecture at the Club on the educational effects of modern travel,
dealing chiefly with the moral side of the question. I was talking to
Lady Beauwhistle's aunt the other day--she's just come back from Paris,
you know. Such a sweet woman"--
"And so silly. In these days of the over-education of women she's quite
refreshing. They say some people went through the siege of Paris without
knowing that France and Germany were at war; but the Beauwhistle aunt is
credited with having passed the whole winter in Paris under the
impression that the Humberts were a kind of bicycle . . . Isn't there a
bishop or somebody who believes we shall meet all the animals we have
known on earth in another world? How frightfully embarrassing to meet a
whole shoal of whitebait you had last known at Prince's! I'm sure in my
nervousness I should talk of nothing but lemons. Still, I daresay they
would be quite as offended if one hadn't eaten them. I know if I were
served up at a cannibal feast I should be dreadfully annoyed if anyone
found fault with me for not being tender enough, or having been kept too
long."
"My idea about the lecture," resumed the Duchess hurriedly, "is to
inquire whether promiscuous Continental travel doesn't tend to weaken the
moral fibre of the social conscience. There are people one knows, quite
nice people when they are in England, who are so _different_ when they
are anywhere the other side of the Channel."
"The people with what I call Tauchnitz morals," observed Reginald. "On
the whole, I think they get the best of two very desirable worlds. And,
after all, they charge so much for excess luggage on some of those
foreign lines that it's really an economy to leave one's reputation
behind one occasionally."
"A scandal, my dear Reginald, is as much to be avoided at Monaco or any
of those places as at Exeter, let us say."
"Scandal, my dear Irene--I may call you Irene, mayn't I?"
"I don't know that you have known me long enough for that."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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