RETAINED FOR THE DEFENCE _A Farce,_ IN ONE ACT. BY JOHN OXENFORD, ESQ., AUTHOR OF _Twice Killed, A Day Well Spent, A Family Failing, Dice of Death, Only a Halfpenny, Reigning Favourite, Rape of the Lock, My Fellow Clerk, I and My Double, A Quiet Day, No Followers, What have I done? Porter's Knot, &c. &c._ THOMAS HAILES LACY, 89, STRAND, (_Opposite Southampton Street, Covent Garden Market_), LONDON. RETAINED FOR THE DEFENCE. _First performed at the Royal Olympic Theatre, on Monday, May 23rd, 1859._ _Characters_. MR. MOTTLEY DE WINDSOR MR. G. COOKE. MR. WHITEWASH MR. G. VINING. MR. FERGUSON MR. H. COOPER. THWAITES MR. H. WIGAN. PAWKINS MR. F. ROBSON. AGATHA DE WINDSOR MISS COTTRELL. _Guests, &c._ _Time of Representation_--45 MINUTES. PERIOD--_Present Day_. _Costumes_. DE WINDSOR--Blue coat with metal buttons, white vest, black trousers. WHITEWASH--Modern evening suit. FERGUSON--Ditto. THWAITES--Blue dress coat, white vest, black trousers, Berlin gloves. PAWKINS--Long-tailed dress coat, colored vest, black trousers; hat and umbrella. AGATHA--Rich pink silk ball dress. GUESTS--Evening dresses. RETAINED FOR THE DEFENCE. SCENE--_A Drawing Room fitted up for an evening party--to the left a card table--doors, C. and L._ _THWAITES, who has finished lighting candles in chandelier at back, C., steps back to survey the effect._ THWAITES. Now, that's what I call the real thing--the clean grit. The position of that bokey (_bouquet_) is such, that none but the purest taste could conceive,--those camellias, chastity itself. A fine combination! Cutting the turnips and carrots to make ornaments for the cold tongue; chusing the bokies at Covent Garden Market; mildly tempering the brilliant light of wax and gas with the soothing hue of flowers. I have brought all my arts to bear upon this sworry. The party who is a greengrocer in the morning, is the only perfect waiter in the evening. _Enter AGATHA, C._ AGATHA. (L.) So, Thwaites, the room appears quite ready? THWAITES. (R.) Yes, Miss Agatha; without exaggeration I may venture to say, we are lit up. AGATHA. My father has not returned? THWAITES. No, Miss Agatha, he has not--since he left the house at two in the afternoon--I haven't the slightest notion where he is gone. AGATHA. Indeed! (_laughing--sits, L. C._) THWAITES. No--though I did my best to ascertain;--"Are you going far, sir?" says I. He stares, and he makes me no answer. "Shall you be long, sir?" says I. He stares again, and again he makes no answer. "Because sir," says I, "there's the party this evening!" "I know that, better than you do," says he, "for I shall have to pay for it!"--just like him, Miss Agatha--ha, ha, ha! AGATHA. (_aside--vexed_) Really, 'pa must have a regular footman; these tradespeople whom he engages as occasional waiters don't understand subordination a bit.