"That Spectre left you on the Third-- Since then you've not been haunted: For, as he never sent us word, 'Twas quite by accident we heard That any one was wanted. "A Spectre has first choice, by right, In filling up a vacancy; Then Phantom, Goblin, Elf, and Sprite-- If all these fail them, they invite The nicest Ghoul that they can see. "The Spectres said the place was low, And that you kept bad wine: So, as a Phantom had to go, And I was first, of course, you know, I couldn't well decline." "No doubt," said I, "they settled who Was fittest to be sent: Yet still to choose a brat like you, To haunt a man of forty-two, Was no great compliment!" "I'm not so young, Sir," he replied, "As you might think. The fact is, In caverns by the water-side, And other places that I've tried, I've had a lot of practice: "But I have never taken yet A strict domestic part, And in my flurry I forget The Five Good Rules of Etiquette We have to know by heart." My sympathies were warming fast Towards the little fellow: He was so utterly aghast At having found a Man at last, And looked so scared and yellow. [Illustration: "IN CAVERNS BY THE WATER-SIDE"] "At least," I said, "I'm glad to find A Ghost is not a _dumb_ thing! But pray sit down: you'll feel inclined (If, like myself, you have not dined) To take a snack of something: "Though, certainly, you don't appear A thing to offer _food_ to! And then I shall be glad to hear-- If you will say them loud and clear-- The Rules that you allude to." "Thanks! You shall hear them by and by This _is_ a piece of luck!" "What may I offer you?" said I. "Well, since you _are_ so kind, I'll try A little bit of duck. "_One_ slice! And may I ask you for Another drop of gravy?" I sat and looked at him in awe, For certainly I never saw A thing so white and wavy. [Illustration] And still he seemed to grow more white, More vapoury, and wavier-- Seen in the dim and flickering light, As he proceeded to recite His "Maxims of Behaviour." CANTO II. Hys Fyve Rules. "My First--but don't suppose," he said, "I'm setting you a riddle-- Is--if your Victim be in bed, Don't touch the curtains at his head, But take them in the middle, "And wave them slowly in and out, While drawing them asunder; And in a minute's time, no doubt, He'll raise his head and look about With eyes of wrath and wonder. "And here you must on no pretence Make the first observation. Wait for the Victim to commence: No Ghost of any common sense Begins a conversation. [Illustration] "If he should say '_How came you here?_' (The way that _you_ began, Sir,) In such a case your course is clear-- '_On the bat's back, my little dear!_' Is the appropriate answer.