They had come out from the Pincian now, stopped and were looking at each
other, under the ilex trees. From the way he had answered her astonished
question about China she had known that he was going to say something to
her, really something that he meant, as people never do, something from
far underneath the surface. But she had never dreamed that he would so
throw open the doors of his heart and let her look in to see something
she had never thought was in any one's heart,--the honest desire to do
something with his life beyond getting out of it all he could for
himself. It was like daylight shining down, clear, into dark shadows.
* * * * *
Marise dreaded Donna Antonia's musical entertainments. They were
nightmares, at least for a girl with no recognized definite rung on the
social ladder as her own, at least for a paid entertainer who was paid
not only to play a Beethoven sonata, but to look well, to add to the
social brilliancy of the evening, to make up for Donna Antonia's
prodigious inertia by rushing about, seeing that everything went
smoothly, that the servants did not sequester half the ices, that each
guest had some one to talk to. If she could only come in, play her
Beethoven and go away again!--That was really all she was paid for. No,
of course the pay for the rest of what she did was Donna Antonia's
"taking her up," her familiarity in the great house, those occasional
condescending "cards for her personal friends," all that Donna Antonia
could do for a young pianist's future. Every one told her that her
fortunes were made, now that Donna Antonia had taken a fancy to her,
every one expected her as a matter of course to make the most of her
great opportunity, to flatter Donna Antonia, to run briskly on her
errands, to accept with apparent pleasure the amused, patronizing
friendliness of a capricious great lady who on some days was caressing
and petting, like a person with a pet cat, and on others was cold and
distant, like a person who has no use for cats. She was not only to play
for Donna Antonia whenever she was asked, but sit on a cushion, let her
hair be stroked and talk intimately with Donna Antonia of things Marise
would much prefer not to know about; or on another day to be willing to
dash out in a cab to get a delayed dress from the dressmaker's because
the maid was busy with hair-dressing; or, as on this evening, act the
part of helpful daughter of the house, when her real position (which all
the guests knew perfectly well how to make her feel) was that of
temporary toy and amusement. What really underlay all that advice to
make the most of this great opportunity was a doubt whether she was
genuinely gifted enough to make her own way by her talent, was the
feeling that the best way to make up for deficiencies in her musical
equipment was by accumulating personal influences of social importance
on her side. The "great opportunity" which Visconti's other pupils so
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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