Humorous stories; Valets -- Fiction; Washington (State) -- Fiction
“All right, then. Maybe we’ll get on better than what I thought we
would. I was looking for trouble with you, the way she’s been talking
about what you’d do for me.”
“I trust matters will be pleasant, sir,” I replied.
“I can be pushed just so far,” he curiously warned me, “and no
farther--not by any man that wears hair.”
“Yes, sir,” I said again, wondering what the wearing of hair might
mean to this process of pushing him, and feeling rather absurdly glad
that my own face is smoothly shaven.
“You’ll find Ruggles fairish enough after you’ve got used to his
ways,” put in the Honourable George.
“All right, Judge; and remember it wasn’t my doings,” said my new
employer, rising and pulling down to his ears his fearful bowler hat.
“And now we better report to her before she does a hot-foot over here.
You can pack your grip later in the day,” he added to me.
“Pack my grip--yes, sir,” I said numbly, for I was on the tick of
leaving the Honourable George helpless in bed. In a voice that I fear
was broken I spoke of clothes for the day’s wear which I had laid out
for him the night before. He waved a hand bravely at us and sank back
into his pillow as my new employer led me forth. There had been barely
a glance between us to betoken the dreadfulness of the moment.
At our door I was pleased to note that a taximetre cab awaited us. I
had acutely dreaded a walk through the streets, even of Paris, with my
new employer garbed as he was. The blue satin cravat of itself would
have been bound to insure us more attention than one would care for.
I fear we were both somewhat moody during the short ride. Each of us
seemed to have matters of weight to reflect upon. Only upon reaching
our destination did my companion brighten a bit. For a fare of five
francs forty centimes he gave the driver a ten-franc piece and waited
for no change.
“I always get around them that way,” he said with an expression of the
brightest cunning. “She used to have the laugh on me because I got so
much counterfeit money handed to me. Now I don’t take any change at
all.”
“Yes, sir,” I said. “Quite right, sir.”
“There’s more than one way to skin a cat,” he added as we ascended to
the Floud’s drawing-room, though why his mind should have flown to
this brutal sport, if it be a sport, was quite beyond me. At the door
he paused and hissed at me: “Remember, no matter what she says, if you
treat me white I’ll treat you white.” And before I could frame any
suitable response to this puzzling announcement he had opened the door
and pushed me in, almost before I could remove my cap.
Seated at the table over coffee and rolls was Mrs. Effie. Her face
brightened as she saw me, then froze to disapproval as her glance
rested upon him I was to know as Cousin Egbert. I saw her capable
mouth set in a straight line of determination.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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