But should the little brat survive, And fatten on the Ruthless Rhyme, To raise a Heartless Home and thrive Through a successful life of crime, The Artist hopes that you will see That _I_ am to be thanked, not _he_! P. T. O.[1] Fond parent, you whose children are Of tender age (from two to eight), Pray keep this little volume far From reach of such, and relegate My verses to an upper shelf,-- Where you may study them yourself. [Illustration] FOOTNOTE: [1] Transcriber's Note: P.T.O. means Please Turn Over. This is retained in the text although the instruction is obviously not necessary. [Illustration: "_He had _such_ good cigars._"] Uncle Joe AN Angel bore dear Uncle Joe To rest beyond the stars. I miss him, oh! I miss him so,-- He had _such_ good cigars. [Illustration] Impetuous Samuel SAM had spirits naught could check, And to-day, at breakfast, he Broke his baby sister's neck, So he shan't have jam for tea! [Illustration] Inconsiderate Hannah NAUGHTY little Hannah said She could make her grandma whistle, So, that night, inside her bed Placed some nettles and a thistle. Though dear grandma quite infirm is, Heartless Hannah watched her settle, With her poor old epidermis Resting up against a nettle. Suddenly she reached the thistle! My! you should have heard her whistle! * * * * * A successful plan was Hannah's, But I cannot praise her manners. Aunt Eliza IN the drinking-well (Which the plumber built her) Aunt Eliza fell,-- We must buy a filter. [Illustration] Self-Sacrifice FATHER, chancing to chastise His indignant daughter Sue, Said, "I hope you realize That this hurts me more than you." Susan straightway ceased to roar. "If that's really true," said she, "I can stand a good deal more; Pray go on, and don't mind me." [Illustration] La Course Interrompue I. JEAN qui allait a Dijon (Il montait en bicyclette) Rencontra un gros lion Qui se faisait la toilette. II. Voila Jean qui tombe a terre Et le lion le digère! * * * * * Mon Dieu! Que c'est embêtant! Il me devait quatre francs. [Illustration] [Illustration: "_John had on some clothes of mine; I can almost see them shrinking Washed repeatedly in brine._"] John