Sailors' Knots (Entire Collection)Jacobs, W. W. (William Wymark)
General
Sailors' Knots (Entire Collection)
Jacobs, W. W. (William Wymark)
England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Humorous stories, English
“That's all right,” he ses, as Rupert follered 'im in. “This is my wife,
Mrs. Alfredi,” he ses, introducing 'im to a fat, red-'aired lady wot was
sitting inside sewing. “She has performed before all the crowned 'eads
of Europe. That di'mond brooch she's wearing was a present from the
Emperor of Germany, but, being a married man, he asked 'er to keep it
quiet.”
Rupert shook 'ands with Mrs. Alfredi, and then her 'usband led 'im to
a room at the back, where a little lame man was cleaning up things, and
told 'im to take his clothes off.
“If they was mine,” he ses, squinting at the fire-place, “I should know
wot to do with 'em.”
Rupert laughed and slapped 'im on the back, and, arter cutting his
uniform into pieces, stuffed it into the fireplace and pulled the
dampers out. He burnt up 'is boots and socks and everything else, and
they all three laughed as though it was the best joke in the world. Then
Mr. Alfredi took his coat off and, dipping a piece of rag into a basin
of stuff wot George 'ad fetched, did Rupert a lovely brown all over.
“That's the fust coat,” he ses. “Now take a stool in front of the fire
and let it soak in.”
He gave 'im another coat arf an hour arterwards, while George curled his
'air, and when 'e was dressed in bracelets round 'is ankles and wrists,
and a leopard-skin over his shoulder, he was as fine a Zulu as you could
wish for to see. His lips was naturally thick and his nose flat, and
even his eyes 'appened to be about the right color.
“He's a fair perfect treat,” ses Mr. Alfredi. “Fetch Kumbo in, George.”
The little man went out, and came back agin shoving in a fat, stumpy
Zulu woman wot began to grin and chatter like a poll-parrot the moment
she saw Rupert.
“It's all right,” ses Mr. Alfredi; “she's took a fancy to you.”
“Is—is she an actress?” ses Rupert.
“One o' the best,” ses the manager. “She'll teach you to dance and shy
assegais. Pore thing! she buried her 'usband the day afore we come here,
but you'll be surprised to see 'ow skittish she can be when she has got
over it a bit.”
They sat there while Rupert practised—till he started shying the
assegais, that is—and then they went out and left 'im with Kumbo.
Considering that she 'ad only just buried her 'usband, Rupert found her
quite skittish enough, and he couldn't 'elp wondering wot she'd be like
when she'd got over her grief a bit more.
The manager and George said he 'ad got on wonderfully, and arter talking
it over with Mrs. Alfredi they decided to open that evening, and pore
Rupert found out that the shop was the theatre, and all the acting he'd
got to do was to dance war-dances and sing in Zulu to people wot had
paid a penny a 'ead. He was a bit nervous at fust, for fear anybody
should find out that 'e wasn't a real Zulu, because the manager said
they'd tear 'im to pieces if they did, and eat 'im arterwards, but arter
a time 'is nervousness wore off and he jumped about like a monkey.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account