“All this is very interesting,” she said, spurning her words like
Noel, “considering that he's more than my friend, Edward.” It gave
her a sort of pleasure to see him wince. 'These blind bats!' she
thought, terribly stung that he should so clearly assume her out of the
running. Then she was sorry, his face had become so still and wistful.
And turning away, she said:
“Oh! I shan't break my heart; I'm a good loser. And I'm a good
fighter, too; perhaps I shan't lose.” And snapping off a sprig of
geranium, she pressed it to her lips.
“Forgive me,” said Pierson slowly; “I didn't know. I'm stupid.
I thought your love for your poor soldiers had left no room for other
feelings.”
Leila uttered a shrill laugh. “What have they to do with each other?
Did you never hear of passion, Edward? Oh! Don't look at me like that.
Do you think a woman can't feel passion at my age? As much as ever,
more than ever, because it's all slipping away.”
She took her hand from her lips, but a geranium petal was left clinging
there, like a bloodstain. “What has your life been all these years,”
she went on vehemently—“suppression of passion, nothing else! You
monks twist Nature up with holy words, and try to disguise what the
eeriest simpleton can see. Well, I haven't suppressed passion, Edward.
That's all.”
“And are you happier for that?”
“I was; and I shall be again.”
A little smile curled Pierson's lips. “Shall be?” he said. “I
hope so. It's just two ways of looking at things, Leila.”
“Oh, Edward! Don't be so gentle! I suppose you don't think a
person like me can ever really love?”
He was standing before her with his head down, and a sense that, naive
and bat-like as he was, there was something in him she could not reach
or understand, made her cry out:
“I've not been nice to you. Forgive me, Edward! I'm so unhappy.”
“There was a Greek who used to say: 'God is the helping of man by
man.' It isn't true, but it's beautiful. Good-bye, dear Leila, and
don't be sorrowful.”
She squeezed his hand, and turned to the window.
She stood there watching his black figure cross the road in the
sunshine, and pass round the corner by the railings of the church. He
walked quickly, very upright; there was something unseeing even about
that back view of him; or was it that he saw-another world? She had
never lost the mental habits of her orthodox girlhood, and in spite of
all impatience, recognised his sanctity. When he had disappeared she
went into her bedroom. What he had said, indeed, was no discovery. She
had known. Oh! She had known. 'Why didn't I accept Jimmy's offer?
Why didn't I marry him? Is it too late?' she thought. 'Could I?
Would he—even now?' But then she started away from her own thought.
Marry him! knowing his heart was with this girl?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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