When he had gone she roamed a little farther, and lay down on the
short grass, where the chalk broke through in patches. She could hear a
distant rumbling, very low, travelling in that grass, the long mutter
of the Flanders guns. 'I wonder if it's as beautiful a day there,'
she thought. 'How dreadful to see no green, no butterflies, no
flowers-not even sky-for the dust of the shells. Oh! won't it ever,
ever end?' And a sort of passion for the earth welled up in her, the
warm grassy earth along which she lay, pressed so close that she could
feel it with every inch of her body, and the soft spikes of the grass
against her nose and lips. An aching sweetness tortured her, she wanted
the earth to close its arms about her, she wanted the answer to
her embrace of it. She was alive, and wanted love. Not death—not
loneliness—not death! And out there, where the guns muttered, millions
of men would be thinking that same thought!
X
Pierson had passed nearly the whole night with the relics of his past,
the records of his stewardship, the tokens of his short married life.
The idea which had possessed him walking home in the moonlight sustained
him in that melancholy task of docketing and destruction. There was
not nearly so much to do as one would have supposed, for, with all
his dreaminess, he had been oddly neat and businesslike in all parish
matters. But a hundred times that night he stopped, overcome by
memories. Every corner, drawer, photograph, paper was a thread in the
long-spun web of his life in this house. Some phase of his work,
some vision of his wife or daughters started forth from each bit of
furniture, picture, doorway. Noiseless, in his slippers, he stole up and
down between the study, diningroom, drawing-room, and anyone seeing him
at his work in the dim light which visited the staircase from above the
front door and the upper-passage window, would have thought: 'A ghost,
a ghost gone into mourning for the condition of the world.' He had to
make this reckoning to-night, while the exaltation of his new idea was
on him; had to rummage out the very depths of old association, so that
once for all he might know whether he had strength to close the door
on the past. Five o'clock struck before he had finished, and, almost
dropping from fatigue, sat down at his little piano in bright daylight.
The last memory to beset him was the first of all; his honeymoon, before
they came back to live in this house, already chosen, furnished, and
waiting for them. They had spent it in Germany—the first days in
Baden-baden, and each morning had been awakened by a Chorale played down
in the gardens of the Kurhaus, a gentle, beautiful tune, to remind them
that they were in heaven. And softly, so softly that the tunes seemed to
be but dreams he began playing those old Chorales, one after another, so
that the stilly sounds floated out, through the opened window, puzzling
the early birds and cats and those few humans who were abroad as
yet.....
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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