He received the telegram from Noel in the afternoon of the same day,
just as he was about to set out for Leila's to get news of her; and
close on the top of it came Lavendie. He found the painter standing
disconsolate in front of his picture.
“Mademoiselle has deserted me?”
“I'm afraid we shall all desert you soon, monsieur.”
“You are going?”
“Yes, I am leaving here. I hope to go to France.”
“And mademoiselle?”
“She is at the sea with my son-in-law.”
The painter ran his hands through his hair, but stopped them half-way,
as if aware that he was being guilty of ill-breeding.
“Mon dieu!” he said: “Is this not a calamity for you, monsieur le
cure?” But his sense of the calamity was so patently limited to his
unfinished picture that Pierson could not help a smile.
“Ah, monsieur!” said the painter, on whom nothing was lost. “Comme
je suis egoiste! I show my feelings; it is deplorable. My disappointment
must seem a bagatelle to you, who will be so distressed at leaving
your old home. This must be a time of great trouble. Believe me; I
understand. But to sympathise with a grief which is not shown would
be an impertinence, would it not? You English gentlefolk do not let us
share your griefs; you keep them to yourselves.”
Pierson stared. “True,” he said. “Quite true!”
“I am no judge of Christianity, monsieur, but for us artists the doors
of the human heart stand open, our own and others. I suppose we have no
pride—c'est tres-indelicat. Tell me, monsieur, you would not think
it worthy of you to speak to me of your troubles, would you, as I have
spoken of mine?”
Pierson bowed his head, abashed.
“You preach of universal charity and love,” went on Lavendie; “but
how can there be that when you teach also secretly the keeping of your
troubles to yourselves? Man responds to example, not to teaching; you
set the example of the stranger, not the brother. You expect from others
what you do not give. Frankly, monsieur, do you not feel that with every
revelation of your soul and feelings, virtue goes out of you? And I
will tell you why, if you will not think it an offence. In opening your
hearts you feel that you lose authority. You are officers, and must
never forget that. Is it not so?”
Pierson grew red. “I hope there is another feeling too. I think we
feel that to speak of our sufferings or, deeper feelings is to obtrude
oneself, to make a fuss, to be self-concerned, when we might be
concerned with others.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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