whom she had joined her life under the romantic conditions of divorce.
He had failed, of course, as a farmer, and his death left her with
nothing but her own settled income of a hundred and fifty pounds a
year. Faced by the prospect of having almost to make her living, at
thirty-eight, she felt but momentary dismay—for she had real pluck.
Like many who have played with amateur theatricals, she fancied herself
as an actress; but, after much effort, found that only her voice and
the perfect preservation of her legs were appreciated by the discerning
managers and public of South Africa; and for three chequered years she
made face against fortune with the help of them, under an assumed name.
What she did—keeping a certain bloom of refinement, was far better
than the achievements of many more respectable ladies in her shoes. At
least she never bemoaned her “reduced circumstances,” and if her
life was irregular and had at least three episodes, it was very human.
She bravely took the rough with the smooth, never lost the power of
enjoying herself, and grew in sympathy with the hardships of others. But
she became deadly tired. When the war broke out, remembering that
she was a good nurse, she took her real name again and a change of
occupation. For one who liked to please men, and to be pleased by them,
there was a certain attraction about that life in war-time; and after
two years of it she could still appreciate the way her Tommies turned
their heads to look at her when she passed their beds. But in a hard
school she had learned perfect self-control; and though the sour and
puritanical perceived her attraction, they knew her to be forty-three.
Besides, the soldiers liked her; and there was little trouble in her
wards. The war moved her in simple ways; for she was patriotic in the
direct fashion of her class. Her father had been a sailor, her husbands
an official and a soldier; the issue for her was uncomplicated by any
abstract meditation. The Country before everything! And though she had
tended during those two years so many young wrecked bodies, she had
taken it as all in the a day's work, lavishing her sympathy on the
individual, without much general sense of pity and waste. Yes, she had
worked really hard, had “done her bit”; but of late she had felt
rising within her the old vague craving for “life,” for pleasure,
for something more than the mere negative admiration bestowed on her
by her “Tommies.” Those old letters—to look them through them had
been a sure sign of this vague craving—had sharpened to poignancy the
feeling that life was slipping away from her while she was still comely.
She had been long out of England, and so hard-worked since she came back
that there were not many threads she could pick up suddenly. Two letters
out of that little budget of the past, with a far cry between them, had
awakened within her certain sentimental longings.
“DEAR LADY OF THE STARRY FLOWERS,
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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