The search for this completing woman is the secret of man's roving in
the gardens of sense. His frequent falls into abysmal depravity are but
results incidental to the occultations of his Guide Star. From reptiles
in the foul smoke of chaos, to the lifted spines of manhood on a rising
road, Man has come; and by the interminable torture of the paths which
sink behind, he has the other half of eternity to reach the Top.
From a child whose fairies were only enchanted into books for day-time
convenience, darkness to Paula meant visions, indeed. Often now at
night, though she never spoke of it, the little apartment was peopled by
the spirits of her reading and her ideals--mystics, priests, prophets,
teachers, ascetics. To the congenial dark they came--faces unlike any
she had ever seen, but quite unmistakable in her dreamings. Once when
she pampered a natural aversion to meat for several months, soft
foot-falls and low voices (which had nothing whatever to do with her
neighbors across the hall, or the elevator-man in any passage) began to
rouse her in the night. New York is no place for such refinements of
sense, and she checked these manifestations through physical exercise
and increased diet. She was seldom afraid, but there was a tension in
all her imaginings, and she grew marvellously in this twenty-eighth
year--furnishing her mind more sumptuously than she knew. Reifferscheid
saw this in her eyes and in her work.
Throughout the swiftly passing day, Paula realized that she would go to
Prismatic Hall in West Sixty-seventh Street, where Dr. Bellingham was to
organize his lecture-course that night. Against this foreknowledge was a
well-defined distaste for the man and his work. Between the two, the
thought of the evening crowded frequently into mind until she became
impatient with herself at the importance it assumed. It was with a
certain feminine manipulation of conscience, so deft as almost to be
unconscious, that she excused her own curiosity on the ground that her
disfavor for the doctor and his message would be strengthened by the
first meeting, beyond the need of further experience.
One concession she made to her natural aversion--that of going late. She
was in a mood poignantly critical. The real Paula Linster, she fancied,
was at home, "Top-side o' Park"; here was just a sophisticated
professional surface, such as reporters carry about. The Hall was packed
with women; the young and the jaded; faces of pup-innocence; faces
bitten from terrible expeditions to the poles of sense; faces tired and
thick from the tread of an orient of emotions; slow-roving eyes which
said, "I crave--I crave! I have lost the sense of reality, but seven
sick and pampered organs crave within me!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account