Driving home through the Park, she felt that she could not endure
another emotion. For a long time she tossed restlessly in bed, too tired
to sleep. A reacting depression had fallen upon her worn nerves. She
could not forget the big structure of the day's joy, but substance had
dropped from it.... The cold air sweeping through her sleeping-room
seemed to come from desolate mountains. Lost entirely was her gladness
of victory in the Selma Cross achievement. She called herself spiteful,
ungrateful, and quite miserably at last sank into sleep....
She was conscious at length of the gray of morning, a stifling pressure
in her lungs, and the effort to rouse herself. She felt the cold upon
her face; yet the air seemed devitalized by some exhausting voltage, she
had known before. There was a horrid jangle in her brain, as of two
great forces battling to complete the circuit there. A face imploring
from a garret-window, a youth in a lion's skin, a rock in the desert and
a rock in the Park, the dim hotel parlor and the figure of yesterday
among the mountain-peaks--so the images rushed past--until the tortured
face of Bellingham (burning eyes in the midst of ghastly pallor), caught
and held her mind still. From a room small as her own, and gray like her
own with morning, he called to her: "Come to me.... Come to me, Paula
Linster.... I have lived for you--oh, come to me!"
She sprang out of bed, and knelt. How long it was before she freed
herself, Paula never knew. Indeed, she was not conscious of being
actually awake, until she felt the bitter cold and hurried into the
heated room beyond. She was physically wretched, but no longer
obsessed.... She would not believe now that the beyond-devil had called
again. It was all a dream, she told herself again and again--this rush
of images and the summons from the enemy. Yesterday, she had been too
happy; human bodies cannot endure so long such refining fire; to-day was
the reaction and to-morrow her old strength and poise would come again.
Quite bravely, she assured herself that she was glad to pay the price
for the hours of yesterday. She called for the full series of morning
papers, resolving to occupy her mind with the critical notices of the
new play.
These were quite remarkable in the unanimity of their praise. The
Cross-Cabot combination had won, indeed, but Paula could extract no
buoyancy from the fact, nor did black coffee dispel the vague
premonitive shadows which thickened in the background of her mind. The
rapping of Selma Cross upon her door was hours earlier than ever before.
She, too, had called for the morning papers. A first night is never
finished until these are out. Paula did not feel equal to expressing all
that the play had meant to her. It was with decided disinclination that
she admitted her neighbor.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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