Sheppard Lee, Written by Himself. Vol. 2 (of 2)Bird, Robert Montgomery
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Sheppard Lee, Written by Himself. Vol. 2 (of 2)
Bird, Robert Montgomery
American fiction -- 19th century; Satire
I was not then mistaken! It was Feuerteufel himself, only he had
learned a little more English. This was the first and only one of my
original acquaintances whom I had laid eyes on since my departure from
New-Jersey, nearly two years before. I felt some interest, therefore,
in the man, but it was accompanied with a feeling of dislike, and even
apprehension. The truth is, I never liked the German doctor, though
why I never could tell. But what was he doing--what could be his
object going about the country with petrified legs, arms, and heads?
I had scarce asked myself the question before it was answered by the
gentleman himself, who had been speaking, though I know not what, all
the time I was talking with Tibbikens, and while I was cogitating
afterward.
He had worked himself into a fit of eloquence, warming with enthusiasm
as he dwelt upon the grandeur and usefulness of his discovery. He made
antic gestures with hands, head, and shoulders; he rolled and snapped
his eyes in the most extraordinary manner in the world; and as for his
mouth, there is no describing the grimaces and contortions which it
made over every particularly bright idea or felicitous word.
"Zhentlemens!" said he, "I have discover de great art to preserve de
human poddie; I can make him shtone, I can make him plaster-Paree, I
can make him shuse as he is, dat is _flesh_--put flesh vat is never
corrupt. Very well! vat shall I do mit de great discoaver? Mit de
first I shall preserve de poddies of de great men--de kings, and de
shenerals, and de poets, and de oder great men; and you shall see
how mosh petter it is tan de statues marple. How mosh petter to have
de great man as de great man look in de flesh, mit his eyes shining,
his skin and his colour all de pure natural! How mosh petter dat dan
de imitation! Suppose you have de painter who take de looking-glass;
and when you look in him, glue down de reflection dare for ever!--de
natural colour, de natural drawing, de light and de shade? How mosh
petter dat dan de picture in dirty oil and ochre! (I tell you,
py-the-py, zhentlemens, I do study _dat_ art, and I hopes some day to
make de grand discoaver--to put you reflection on de proper substance,
like de looking-glass, dat shall hold on to de colours, and hold'em
on for ever!) Vell, zhentlemens, I do de same ting mit de statue; I
take de nature as I find him--de shape, de colour, de lips, de eyes,
de hair, de all--and I do, py my process, make him indestructeeble,
and not to alter for ever. Here is de little poy's head dat I have
done in dat style. Dat is de art! dat is de art of making de _shtone_
mummee! It shall pe de most costly, de most expense, and derefore only
for de great, great men--de shenerals of war, de preshidents, and de
mens in Congress vat makes de pig speech. Vell! den I shall make de
oder style--de process to turn de poddie into plaster-Paree--vat I
call de _plaster_ mummee. Dat is not so dear; dat is de art for de
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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