Bildungsromans; England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Illegitimate children -- Fiction
“Do you remember years ago, when we were at Eastbourne and you met
Uncle Kenneth for the first time, he told me at dinner not to be a
showman? I’ve always remembered that remark of his, and I think it
applies to one showing off oneself as much as to showing off other
people. I think that’s why I’m different from you.”
Michael glanced up at this.
“You can be damned rude when you like,” he murmured.
“Well, you asked me.”
“So I’m a showman?” said Michael.
“Oh, for Heaven’s sake don’t begin to worry over it. It doesn’t make
any odds to me what you are. I don’t think it ever would,” he added
simply, and in this avowal was all that Michael craved for. Under a
sudden chill presentiment that before long he would test this friend of
his to the last red throb of his proud heart, Michael took comfort from
this declaration and asked no more for comprehension or sympathy. Those
were shifting sands of feeling compared with this rock-hewn permanence
of Alan. He remembered the stones upon the Berkshire downs, the stolid,
unperceiving, eternal stones. Comparable to them alone stood Alan.
They had turned out of the gates of the school-ground by now,
and were strolling heedless of direction through the streets of
West Kensington that to Michael seemed
all at once strangely alluring with their display of a sedate
and cosy life. He could not recall that he had ever before
been so sensitive to the atmosphere of sunlit security which
was radiated by these windows with their visions of rosy
babies bobbing and laughing, of demure and saucy maids, of
polished bird-cages and pots of daffodils. The white steps
were in tune with the billowy clouds, and the scarlet
pillar-box at the corner had a friendly, human smile. It was a
doll’s-house world, whose dainty offer of intimate citizenship
refreshed Michael’s imagination like a child’s picture-book.
He began to reflect that the opinions of Abercrombie and his friends
round the hot-water pipes were wrought out in such surroundings as
these, and he arrived gradually at a sort of compassion for them,
picturing the lives of small effort that would inevitably be their
portion. He perceived that they would bear the burden of existence in
the future, struggling to preserve their gentility against the envy of
the class beneath them and the contempt of those above. These gay
little houses, half of whose charm lay in their similarity, were as
near as they would ever come to any paradise of being. Michael had
experienced many spasms of love for his fellow-men, and now in one of
these outbursts he suddenly realized himself in sympathy with
mediocrity.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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