Bildungsromans; England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Illegitimate children -- Fiction
Michael, as he pondered the satisfaction which had come from the change
of residence, began to feel a sentimental curiosity about Carlington
Road and its surrounding streets. It was not yet a year since he had
existed there familiarly, almost indigenously; but the combination of
Oxford and Cheyne Walk made him feel a lifetime had passed since he had
been so willingly transplanted. One morning late in April and just
before he was going up for the summer term, he determined to pay a
visit to the scenes of his childhood. It was an experience more
depressing than he had imagined it would be. He was shocked by the
sensation of constraint and of slightly contemptible limitation that
was imposed upon his fancy by the pilgrimage. He thought to himself, as
he wandered between the rows of thin red houses, that after the freedom
of the river Carlington Road was purely intolerable. It did not possess
the narrowness that lent a mysterious intimacy. The two rows of houses
did not lean over and meet one another as houses lean over, almost
seeming to gossip with one another, in ancient towns. They gave rather
the impression of two mutually unattractive entities propelled into
contiguity by the inexorable economy of the life around. The two rows
came together solely for the purpose of crowding together a number of
insignificant little families whose almost humiliating submission to
the tyranny of city life was expressed pathetically by the humble
flaunting of their window-boxes and in their front gardens symbolically
by the dingy parterres of London Pride. Michael wondered whether a
spirit haunting the earth feels in the perception of its former
territory so much shame as he felt now in approaching 64 Carlington
Road. When he reached the house itself, he was able to expel his
sentiment for the past by the trivial fact that the curtains of the new
owner had dispossessed the house of its personality. Only above the
door, the number in all its squat assurance was able to convince him
that this was indeed the house where he had wrestled so long and so
hardly with the problems of childhood. There, too, was the plane-tree
that, once an object of reproach, now certainly gave some distinction
to the threshold of this house when every area down the road owned a
lime-tree identical in age and growth.
Yet with all his distaste for 64 Carlington Road Michael could scarcely
check the impulse he had to mount the steps and, knocking at the door,
inform whomsoever should open it that he had once lived in this very
house. He passed on, however, remembering at every corner of every new
street some bygone unimportant event which had once occupied his whole
horizon. Involuntarily he walked on and on in a confusion of
recollections, until he came to the corner of the road where Lily Haden
lived.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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