Bildungsromans; England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Illegitimate children -- Fiction
It was with a start of self-rebuke that he confessed to himself that
here was the ultimate object of his revisitation. He had scarcely
thought of Lily since the betrayal of his illusions on that brazen July
day when last he had seen her in the garden behind her house. If he had
thought of her at all, she had passed through his mind like the memory,
or less even than the definite memory, like the consciousness that
never is absent of beautiful days spent splendidly in the past.
Sometimes during long railway journeys Michael had played with himself
the game of vowing to remember an exact moment, some field or effect of
clouds which the train was rapidly passing. Yet though he knew that he
had done this a hundred times, it was always as impossible to conjure
again the vision he had vowed to remember as it had been impossible
ever to remember the exact moment of falling asleep.
After all, however, Lily could not have taken her place with these
moments so impossible to recapture, or he would not have come to
himself with so acute a consciousness of her former actuality here at
the corner of Trelawney Road. It was almost as uncanny as the poem of
Ulalume, and Michael found himself murmuring, “Of my most immemorial
year,” half expectant of Lily’s slim form swaying toward him, half
blushful already in breathless anticipation of the meeting.
Down the road a door opened. Michael’s heart jumped annoyingly out of
control. It was indeed her door, and whoever was coming out hesitated
in the hall. Michael went forward impulsively, but the door slammed,
and a man with a pencil behind his ear ran hurriedly down the steps.
Michael saw that the windows of the house were covered with the names
of house-agents, that several “to let” boards leaned confidentially
over the railings to accost passers-by. Michael caught up the man, who
was whistling off in the opposite direction, and asked him if he knew
where Mrs. Haden had gone.
“I wish I did,” said the man, sucking his teeth importantly. “No, sir,
I’m afraid I don’t. Nor anybody else.”
“You mean they went away in a hurry,” said Michael shamefaced.
“Yes, sir.”
“And left no address?”
“Left nothing but a heap of tradesmen’s bills in the hall.”
Michael turned aside, sorry for the ignominious end of the Hadens, but
glad somehow that the momentary temptation to renew his friendship with
the family, perhaps even his love for Lily, was so irremediably
defeated.
In the sunset that night, as he and Stella sat in the drawing-room
staring over the incarnadined river, Michael told his sister of his
discovery.
“I’m glad you’re not going to start that business again,” she said.
“And, Michael, do try not to fall in love for a bit, because I shall
soon have such a terrible heap of difficulties that you must solve for
me disinterestedly and without prejudice.”
“What sort of difficulties?” Michael demanded, with eyes fixed upon her
cheeks warm with the evening light.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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