Sister Dolorosa, and Posthumous FameAllen, James Lane
Religion
Sister Dolorosa, and Posthumous Fame
Allen, James Lane
Kentucky -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
"I have received your letter. I have read it. But how could I
listen to your proposal without becoming false to my vows? And if
you knew that I had proved false to what I held most dear and
binding, how could you ever believe that I would be true to
anything else? Ah, no! Should you unite yourself to one who for
your sake had been faithless to the ideal of womanhood which she
regarded as supreme, you would soon withdraw from her the very love
that she had sacrificed even her hopes of Heaven to enjoy.
"But it seems possible that in writing to me you believe my vows no
longer precious to my heart and sacred to my conscience. You are
wrong. They are more dear to me at this moment than ever before,
because at this moment, as never before, they give me a mournful
admonition of my failure to exhibit to the world in my own life the
beauty of their ineffable holiness. For had there not been
something within me to lead you on--had I shown to you the sinless
nature which it is their office to create--you would never have
felt towards me as you do. You would no more have thought of loving
me than of loving an angel of God.
"The least reparation I can make for my offence is to tell you that
in offering me your love you offer me the cup of sacred
humiliation, and that I thank you for reminding me of my duty,
while I drain it to the dregs.
"After long deliberation I have written to tell you this; and if it
be allowed me to make one request, I would entreat that you will
never lay this sin of mine to the charge of my religion and my
order.
"We shall never meet again. Although I may not listen to your
proposal, it is allowed me to love you as one of the works of God.
And since there are exalted women in the world who do not
consecrate themselves to the church, I shall pray that you may find
one of these to walk by your side through life. I shall pray that
she may be worthy of you; and perhaps you will teach her sometimes
to pray for one who will always need her prayers.
"I only know that God orders our lives according to His goodness.
My feet He set in one path of duty, yours in another, and He had
separated us for ever long before He allowed us to meet. If,
therefore, having thus separated us, He yet brought us together
only that we should thus know each other and then be parted, I
cannot believe that there was not in it some needed lesson for us
both. At least, if He will deign to hear the ceaseless, fervent
petition of one so erring, He will not leave you unhappy on account
of that love for me, which in this world it will never be allowed
me to return. Farewell!"
The first part of this letter awakened in Gordon keen remorse and a
faltering of purpose, but the latter filled him with a joy that excluded
every other feeling.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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