Drug addicts -- Fiction; Fantasy fiction; Magicians -- Fiction
Now as I sat on the mat and pondered the dream of the skull-face I
wondered more. Since the unknown girl had led me back into the dive,
I had come and gone as before, when I had plenty of money to pay
Yun Shatu. Someone certainly was paying him for me, and while my
sub-conscious mind had told me it was the girl, my rusty brain had
failed to grasp the fact entirely, or to wonder why. What need of
wondering? So someone paid and the vivid-hued dreams continued, what
cared I? But now I wondered. For the girl who had protected me from
Hassim and had brought the hashish for me was the same girl I had seen
in the skull-face dream.
Through the soddenness of my degradation the lure of her struck like
a knife piercing my heart and strangely revived the memories of the
days when I was a man like other men--not yet a sullen, cringing slave
of dreams. Far and dim they were, shimmery islands in the mist of
years--and what a dark sea lay between!
I looked at my ragged sleeve and the dirty, claw-like hand protruding
from it; I gazed through the hanging smoke which fogged the sordid
room, at the low bunks along the wall whereon lay the blankly staring
dreamers--slaves, like me, of hashish or of opium. I gazed at the
slippered Chinamen gliding softly to and fro bearing pipes or roasting
balls of concentrated purgatory over tiny flickering fires. I gazed at
Hassim standing, arms folded, beside the door like a great statue of
black basalt.
And I shuddered and hid my face in my hands because with the faint
dawning of returning manhood, I knew that this last and most cruel
dream was futile--I had crossed an ocean over which I could never
return, had cut myself off from the world of normal men and women.
Naught remained now but to drown this dream as I had drowned all my
others--swiftly and with hope that I should soon attain that Ultimate
Ocean which lies beyond all dreams.
So these fleeting moments of lucidity, of longing, that tear aside the
veils of all dope slaves--unexplainable, without hope of attainment.
So I went back to my empty dreams, to my fantasmagoria of illusions;
but sometimes, like a sword cleaving a mist, through the high lands
and the low lands and seas of my visions floated, like half-forgotten
music, the sheen of dark eyes and shimmery hair.
You ask how I, Stephen Costigan, American and a man of some
attainments and culture, came to lie in a filthy dive of London's
Limehouse? The answer is simple--no jaded debauchee, I, seeking
new sensations in the mysteries of the Orient. I answer--Argonne!
Heavens, what deeps and heights of horror lurk in that one word alone!
Shell-shocked--shell-torn. Endless days and nights without end and
roaring red hell over No Man's Land where I lay shot and bayoneted to
shreds of gory flesh. My body recovered, how I know not; my mind never
did.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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