“Yes, dear. I can’t feel anything, I can’t say anything. I am half
paralysed, and half mad. Think how things were when I went away: and to
come back and find everything gone--disappeared as if it had never been:
the dreadful empty mockery of a house which they say is mine, and my
father, and all that he cared for, gone, gone like a dream. Sometimes I
think I will go crazy,--everything seems to be whirling and unsteady. I
am giddy with pain and confusion and ignorance, and the blank all
around.”
He held her hand, but loosely, languidly, in a feeble clasp. She grasped
his tightly, closely, as if to bring him back to himself.
“All that he cared for is not gone. Let my father tell you. He knows the
right thing to say. Oh, Gervase, because you are in great trouble,
don’t turn all love and tenderness away!”
“Madeline!”
“Oh, Gervase, if you only knew how I have thought of you night and day!
I think I should have gone to you had there been any certainty where you
were. I should not have let anything stand in the way, when you were in
trouble. Don’t turn from me now. Papa is coming back from the office to
lunch, on the chance of your arrival. He wants to do everything that is
kind. Don’t, don’t turn from us, Gervase, because you are in trouble,
which is only a reason for clinging together. Is it not a reason for
clinging together?” she cried, with tears in her eyes.
And poor Gervase felt that he ought to feel above every other sentiment
the sweetness of this consolation, for which he had so thirsted and
hungered in his long misery at sea; thinking that just like this his
Madeline would speak and look. But now that she was there before him, in
his arms, speaking like Love itself, looking with eyes full of the
tenderest sympathy, he was no longer able to feel anything. He caressed
her clinging hand, but his natural impulse would have been to relax his
hold, to put it away; not that he loved her less, but that the confusion
in his mind, the fevered condition of his whole being, was incapable of
any natural or happy sentiment. The miserable change that had come over
all his private concerns, the ruin of his family, his father’s
disappearance, even that curious maddening contradiction, in the midst
of all the ruin, of the unchanged house, which he was told was his,
filled up his thoughts, his heart, his very veins, so that there was
room in him for nothing else.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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