After the word “monk” is struck out: “However much I respect you, I ought to have expected this. Well, I must confess to you, that in moments of cowardice this idea has occurred to me—once having made these pages universally known, to hide from people in a monastery, be it only for a time. But I blushed at the meanness of it. But to take orders as a monk, that did not occur to me even in moments of most cowardly fear.” “You must not be in the monastery, nor take orders as a monk; be only a lay-brother, a secret, not an open one; it may be that, even living altogether in society....” “Enough, Father Tikhon.” Stavrogin interrupted him with aversion and rose from his chair. Tikhon also rose. “What is the matter with you?” he suddenly exclaimed almost in fear, staring at Tikhon. Tikhon stood before him, with his hands clasped, and a painful convulsion seemed to pass for a moment across his face as if from the greatest fear. “What’s the matter with you? What’s the matter?” Stavrogin repeated, rushing to him in order to support him. It seemed to him that Tikhon was going to fall. “I see ... I see, as if it stood before me,” Tikhon exclaimed in a voice which penetrated the soul and with an expression of the most violent grief, “that you, poor, lost youth, have never been so near another and a still greater crime than you are at this moment.” “Calm yourself!” pleaded Stavrogin, decidedly alarmed for him. “Perhaps I shall still postpone it.... You are right....” “No, not after the publication, but before it, a day, an hour, perhaps, before the great step, you will throw yourself on a new crime, as a way out, and you will commit it solely in order to avoid the publication of these pages.” Stavrogin shuddered with anger and almost with fear.[75] “You cursed psychologist!”—he suddenly cut him short in fury and, without looking round, left the cell. Footnote 75: The words “Stavrogin, etc.,” are struck out and several variants substituted, none of which, evidently, satisfied Dostoevsky. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ PLAN OF THE NOVEL _THE LIFE OF A GREAT SINNER_ ------------------------------------------------------------------------ _THE LIFE OF A GREAT SINNER_ Page 8. 20/8 December. —Accumulation of wealth. —The birth of strong passions. —Strengthening of the will and of the inner powers. —Measureless pride and struggle with ambition. —The prose of life and a passionate belief that incessantly overcomes it. —That all should plead; I only demand. —Not to be afraid of anything. The sacrifices of life. —The influence of vice; the horror and coldness from it. —A desire to defile every one. —The romance of the years of childhood. Maccary.[76] Footnote 76: This is in Roman letters in Dostoevsky’s MS.