Stephen H. Branch's Alligator, Vol. 1 no. 03, May 8, 1858
General
Stephen H. Branch's Alligator, Vol. 1 no. 03, May 8, 1858
New York (N.Y.) -- Politics and government
The Reporters of the Common Council have received 200 dollars each for
their laborious services, which is a happiness to us beyond expression.
We know their generous emotions, and their evening toil in a sickly
atmosphere, some of whom have the ability and genius to wield the
destinies of a city or nation. Although Horace Greeley recently told us
that he had never been in the Board of Aldermen, and would hardly know
where to find it, yet James Gordon Bennett has told us that he served a
terrible apprenticeship as a Reporter of the Common Council, more than
a quarter of a century since, and we know that most of the metropolitan
editors were Municipal Reporters prior to their present exalted and
lucrative, and powerful position as public journalists. Even before we
baptised the _Alligator_, we had to endure the tortures of a ten years’
pilgrimage around the corners and through the subterranean caverns
of the City Hall. But no more of this. We sincerely congratulate our
Reportorial friends, on the reception of a trifling remuneration for
their severe and honorable toil.
Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1857, by
STEPHEN H. BRANCH,
In the Clerk’s Office of the District Court of the United States for
the Southern District of New Turk.
Life of Stephen H. Branch.
My brother Albert came to New York without the knowledge of father, and
I got him a situation at the Harpers. I shall never forget how hard
I besought John Harper to employ Albert, who did not want a boy, but
kindly employed him to please me. Albert had the salt rheum, and also
had very small and spiteful yellow bugs on the surface of his cranium.
As I had to sleep with him, I combed his head every day, and when I
found one of the little villains, I most cruelly tortured him with
pins and flame, to terrify his brethren who remained, and to thwart
his return to Albert’s head. But in spite of my bloody precaution,
poor Albert’s skull teemed like Egypt of old, with ferocious animals,
and I retired with him at night, invested with the fear of a culprit
on his march to the scaffold. The yellow scamps made such a Napoleonic
resistance, that I procured a finer comb, and in my violent efforts
to drag out and exterminate the enemy, (who were deeply embedded and
irresistibly fortified in his invulnerable skull,) poor Ally screamed,
like an eagle on his cliff, and Mrs. Harper came to the basis of the
attic stairs, and severely scolded us for quarrelling and fighting,
as she supposed. Mrs. Harper was extremely nervous, and fearing she
would learn that Albert had battalions of animalculæ in the region
of his brain, and also trembling lest they would ground arms, and
encamp and form tents in my luxuriant intellectual foliage, I advised
Albert to return to Providence, and after long persuasion, with candy
and peanuts, and peaches, he assented, and I went to Captain Bunker,
Junior, who kindly consented to take him to Providence, without charge.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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