New York (N.Y.) -- Fiction; Short stories, American
The young man grew impatient as the revery was prolonged. He stirred
uneasily. The old lawyer turned and looked curiously at him. Of course,
of course! Was a man to be changed, the bone of what he was to have its
marrow drawn, the fibre of every muscle to be untwisted, by this
nonsense of a boy? Of course old Bevington was right—and for the moment
he did not remember that Bevington was dead—in sending the young fool to
such a cool old hand as himself. But if Bevington had known what a
turbulence of disappointment, discontent, and revolt had risen, and
poured in strength-gathering torrent, even at that instant, through his
heart, would he not have kept his young charge away? He would talk to
him—certainly he would—pave his way for him, perhaps, as with flagstones
of wisdom. Perhaps—and then he thought with grim satisfaction of what
Bevington might think should he learn that he recognized that there were
other paths than those edged by a curbstone.
[Illustration: [Man]]
“You have been sent to me,” he said, very seriously, coming from the
window and leaning with both hands on the table, “for advice and
admonition. I will give my lesson in sternest characters. I will teach
by example, but I may not teach what you were sent here to learn. When I
was young as you—do not start, I was young once,” and he spoke with
infinite sadness, “I loved as you love, and, as with you, love was
returned. They who called themselves my friends strove, with what they
called reason, to tear me from what they called my folly. My folly! It
was the wisdom that it takes all that is blent into humanity, at
supremest moments, to attain; their reason, the fatuous folly only
enough to give habitual stir to an earth-beclotted brain! I yielded, as
you have not yielded. I killed out even the natural impulses of my
nature. Gradually almost new instincts came, desire for delight sank
into appetite for gain, hope for the joy of higher existence was lost in
the ambition for mere advancement. I wrought out in myself that fearful
piece of handiwork whose every effort is but to grasp the worthless
handful man can only wrest from the mere world. I lost, and I have not
won. I was a man and I am only a lawyer, and to him you have been sent
for advice. I can find no precedent better, no authority more weighty
for your guidance than my own life. Such strength as enabled me to work
such a change will also enable you to make yourself a new being, to
accomplish self-overthrow, to bring you to what I am—a man rich,
successful, courted, revered—most miserable. He who has so won, so lost,
stands alone or he would not so win. Choose rather the close
companionship of worldly defeat, if it must be, and I say to you in the
rapture of your youth, clay plastic to the moment’s touch, hold to
yourself, and believe that no fame, no power, no wealth, can compensate
for a contentious life, an empty heart, a desolate old age. If I were
you——”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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