Strictly Business: More Stories of the Four MillionHenry, O.
Philosophy
Strictly Business: More Stories of the Four Million
Henry, O.
New York (N.Y.) -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
“As square and high-toned a little team as ever came over the circuit.
It’s a pleasure to read their names on the booking list. Quiet, hard
workers, no Johnny and Mabel nonsense, on the job to the minute,
straight home after their act, and each of ’em as gentlemanlike as a
lady. I don’t expect to handle any attractions that give me less
trouble or more respect for the profession.”
And now, after so much cracking of a nutshell, here is the kernel of
the story:
At the end of its second season “Mice Will Play” came back to New York
for another run at the roof gardens and summer theatres. There was
never any trouble in booking it at the top-notch price. Bob Hart had
his bungalow nearly paid for, and Cherry had so many savings-deposit
bank books that she had begun to buy sectional bookcases on the
instalment plan to hold them.
I tell you these things to assure you, even if you can’t believe it,
that many, very many of the stage people are workers with abiding
ambitions—just the same as the man who wants to be president, or the
grocery clerk who wants a home in Flatbush, or a lady who is anxious to
flop out of the Count-pan into the Prince-fire. And I hope I may be
allowed to say, without chipping into the contribution basket, that
they often move in a mysterious way their wonders to perform.
But, listen.
At the first performance of “Mice Will Play” in New York at the
Westphalia (no hams alluded to) Theatre, Winona Cherry was nervous.
When she fired at the photograph of the Eastern beauty on the mantel,
the bullet, instead of penetrating the photo and then striking the
disk, went into the lower left side of Bob Hart’s neck. Not expecting
to get it there, Hart collapsed neatly, while Cherry fainted in a most
artistic manner.
The audience, surmising that they viewed a comedy instead of a tragedy
in which the principals were married or reconciled, applauded with
great enjoyment. The Cool Head, who always graces such occasions, rang
the curtain down, and two platoons of scene shifters respectively and
more or less respectfully removed Hart & Cherry from the stage. The
next turn went on, and all went as merry as an alimony bell.
The stage hands found a young doctor at the stage entrance who was
waiting for a patient with a decoction of Am. B’ty roses. The doctor
examined Hart carefully and laughed heartily.
“No headlines for you, Old Sport,” was his diagnosis. “If it had been
two inches to the left it would have undermined the carotid artery as
far as the Red Front Drug Store in Flatbush and Back Again. As it is,
you just get the property man to bind it up with a flounce torn from
any one of the girls’ Valenciennes and go home and get it dressed by
the parlor-floor practitioner on your block, and you’ll be all right.
Excuse me; I’ve got a serious case outside to look after.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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