Studies in the Psychology of Sex, Volume 3: Analysis of the Sexual Impulse; Love and Pain; The Sexual Impulse in WomenEllis, Havelock
Science
Studies in the Psychology of Sex, Volume 3: Analysis of the Sexual Impulse; Love and Pain; The Sexual Impulse in Women
Ellis, Havelock
Sex; Sex (Psychology)
"My early ideas of sexual things are not very clear in
recollection. I think that when 7 or 8 years of age I had a
knowledge of the common or vulgar terms for intercourse and for
the genital organs. Boys of my own age and slightly older would
discuss sex relations, and I had a general knowledge that, in
some way connected with the sexual act, 'babies were made.' We
would tell, occasionally, lewd stories, and a few times attempted
sexual practices with one another. Not till after puberty did I
ever attempt masturbation. I must have been 9 or 10 years old
before I learned that there was a difference in the sex organs of
boys and girls. Up to this time I had supposed that intercourse
was _per anum._ I attended a public school with both sexes. Talk
among my boy associates was often nasty and concerned the sexual
act with girls. At about 12 years I began to have erotic day
dreams. I always had a sentimental attachment for some girl
acquaintance whom I would idealize and with whom I would imagine
myself having sex relations. As a matter of fact, there was no
real sexual feeling about this. As I was very shy and timid
naturally, I never made any kind of advances toward any of them,
and they were entirely ignorant of any sentiments of affection in
me.
"Pubertal changes commenced, I presume, about the age of 13½
years. I place it at this period from the following
circumstances, which are fixed very strongly in my memory: I had,
as a child, a soprano voice that was praised considerably by
older friends, and about which I was inordinately conceited, I
enjoyed greatly taking part in operettas, cantatas, etc. The
dramatic instinct, if so it may be called, has always been marked
with me, and amateur dramatics are still my chief diversion. When
I was about the age mentioned above my voice changed quite
rapidly, greatly to my distress of mind, as I was obliged to give
up taking a part for which I had been cast in a school
entertainment. The memory of that disappointment is still
poignant. Other changes, such as the appearance of the pubertal
hair, must have made no impression on my mind, as I cannot
recollect anything in connection therewith. No involuntary
emissions occurred. Indeed, during periods of continence in later
life, when the sexual tension has been very strong, I have had
very few such emissions.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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