Very curious are the directions of the first thought about the past
self. The idea of personal identity, so dear to philosophers, does not
appear to be fully reached at first. On the contrary, as we shall see in
the case of C., the past self is divorced from the present under the
image of the opposite sex in the odd expression: “when I was a little
girl”. This probably illustrates the importance of the bodily appearance
as a factor in the self, for C. had, I believe, been photographed when
in the petticoat stage, and no doubt looked back on this person in
skirts as a girl. This is borne out by the fact that another little boy
when about three and a half years old asked his mother: “Was I a girl
when I was small?” and that the little questioner whom I have called our
zoologist was also accustomed to say: “When I was a ’ickle dirl (girl)”.
But discarded petticoats do not explain all the child’s ideas about his
past self. This same little zoologist would also say, “When I was a big
man,” to describe the state of things long, long ago. What does this
mean? In discussing the quaint idea of senile shrinkage I have suggested
that a child may think of human existence as a series of transformations
from littleness to bigness, and the reverse, and here we have lighted on
another apparent evidence of it. For though we are apt to call children
‘old men’ we do not suggest to them that they are or have been big men.
The difficulty to the child of conceiving of his remote past, is
surpassed by that of trying to understand the state of things before he
was born. The true mystery of birth for the child, the mystery which
fascinates and holds his mind, is that of his beginning to be. This is
illustrated in C.’s question: “Where was I a hundred years ago? Where
was I before I was born?” It remains a mystery for all of us, only that
after a time we are wont to put it aside. The child, on the other hand,
is stung, so to say, by the puzzle, his whole mind being roused to
passionate questioning.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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