Such Things Are: A Play, in Five ActsInchbald, Mrs.
General
Such Things Are: A Play, in Five Acts
Inchbald, Mrs.
English drama
_Keep._ Yes, Sir--we don't stand long about these things in this
country--I dare say it is off.
_Has._ [_Impatiently._] Lead me to him instantly.
_Guard._ O! 'tis of consequence, is it, Sir?--if that is the case----
[_Exit_ Keeper, _followed by_ Haswell.
SCENE IV. _An arch-way at the top of the stage, through which several
Guards enter_--Twineall _in the middle, dressed for execution, with a
large book in his hand_.
_Twi._ One more verse, gentlemen, if you please.
_Off._ The time is expired.
_Twi._ One more, gentlemen, if you please.
_Off._ The time is expired.
_Enter_ Haswell.
_Twi._ Oh! my dear Mr. Haswell! [_Bursting into tears._
_Has._ What, in tears at parting with me?--This is a compliment
indeed!
_Twi._ I hope you take it as such--I am sure I mean it as such.--It
kills me to leave _you_--it breaks my heart;--and I once flattered
myself such a charitable, good, feeling, humane heart as you
possess----
_Has._ Hold! Hold!--This, Mr. Twineall, is the vice which has driven
you to the fatal precipice whereon you are--and in death will you not
relinquish it?
_Twi._ What vice, Sir, do you mean?
_Has._ Flattery!--a vice that renders you not only despicable, but
odious.
_Twi._ But how has flattery been the cause?
_Has._ Your English friend, before he left the island, told me what
information you had asked from him, and that he had given you the
direct _opposite_ of every person's character, as a just punishment
for your mean premeditation and designs.
_Twi._ I never imagined that amiable friend had sense enough to impose
upon any body!
_Has._ Yet I presume, he could not suppose fate wou'd have carried
their resentment to a length like this.
_Twi._ Oh! cou'd fate be arrested in its course!
_Has._ You wou'd reform your conduct?
_Twi._ I wou'd--I wou'd never say another civil thing to any
body--never--never make myself agreeable again.
_Has._ Release him--here is the Sultan's signet. [_They release him._
_Twi._ Oh! my dear Mr. Haswell! never was compassion!--never
benevolence!--never such a heart as yours!----
_Has._ Sieze him--he has broken his contract already.
_Twi._ No, Sir--No, Sir--I protest you are an illnatured, surly,
crabbed fellow. I always thought so, upon my word, whatever I have
said.
_Has._ And, I'll forgive _that_ meaning, sooner than the other--utter
any thing but flattery--Oh! never let the honest, plain, _blunt_
English name, become a proverb for so base a vice.--
_Lady Tre._ [_Without._] Where is the poor creature?
_Enter Lady_ Tremor.
_Lady._ Oh! if his head is off, pray let me _look_ at it?----
_Twi._ No, Madam, it is on--and I am very happy to be able to tell you
so.----
_Lady._ Dear Heaven!--I expected to have seen it off!--but no
matter--as it is on--I am come that it may be kept on--and have
brought my Lord Flint, and Sir Luke, as witnesses.
_Enter_ Lord, Aurelia, _and_ Sir Luke.
_Has._ Well, Madam, and what have they to say?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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