French fiction -- 20th century -- Translations into English
Her instinct did not deceive her. For such a nature, filled with
passions, desires, blind sensuality, there is no such thing as innocent
pleasure, there is no play without consequences. The least shock would
deliver her over to forces of which she was no longer the mistress. She
had known long before the moral perturbation caused by her brief,
passing encounters with love. The dangers would be very different to-day!
She would no longer resist. If she gave herself up to pleasure, she
would be utterly swept away by it; she would lose the faith she
needed. . . . What faith? Faith in herself. Pride? No. Faith in that
inexplicable, that divine something that was within her and that she
wanted to transmit unsullied to her son. Such a woman has no choice,
outside the strict discipline of marriage, between an absolute moral
restraint and the frankest abandonment to her passionate instincts.
Everything or nothing. . . . Nothing!
And yet, at moments--in spite of her transports of proud fervor--for
several months this agonizing thought gripped her by the throat:
"I am wasting my life."
Marcel Franck reappeared. Chance threw him in Annette's path; he had
ceased to think of her, but he had not forgotten her. He had had a
number of amorous adventures. They had not left too many marks on his
flexible heart--only a few lines, like fine scratches, about his clever
eyes. But they had left him with a certain fatigue, a good-natured
contempt for his easy conquests and for the conqueror. Scarcely had he
caught sight of Annette than he felt again the old sensation of
freshness and certitude that strangely attracted this blasé sceptic. He
explored her eyes; she too had seen life! In the depths of her glance
there were submerged lights, paths where vessels had been, shipwrecks.
But she seemed calmer and more assured. And he again regretted this
wholesome companion who had already escaped him twice. He was not too
late! Never had they seemed more ready to understand each other.
Without questioning her, he was able to find out in his own circumspect
way about her resources and her occupations. A little later he offered
her some work that was very well remunerated: it consisted in arranging
notes for the catalogue of a private collection of works of art of which
he had charge. A natural excuse for spending a few hours each week with
her. They were able to work and talk at the same time. The intimacy of
the past was soon reëstablished.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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