French fiction -- 20th century -- Translations into English
Annette would have liked to take refuge with her child and hide her
unhappy head under the wing of the love which, they say, never fails
one--that of the son for the mother. Alas, it fails like all the others.
Annette could not look to Marc for a sign of tenderness or even
interest. Never had the young boy seemed colder, more indifferent, more
unfeeling. He saw nothing of the torments that ravaged his mother. To be
sure, she did her best to conceal them from him. But she concealed them
so badly! He might have seen them in her eyes, hollow as they were with
sleeplessness, in her pale face, in her thin hands, in her whole body,
which was wasted by cruel passion. He saw nothing. He did not even look.
He was concerned with nothing but himself, and what took place in him he
kept to himself. He saw her only at meal-times, when he never said a
word; the efforts Annette made to talk only made him more obstinate in
his silence. She could scarcely induce him to say good-morning and
good-night at the beginning and the end of the day, for he had made up
his mind that all such things were mere affectation, and he only agreed
to them--and that not every day--for the sake of peace. He would
hastily offer his mother's lips a bored forehead, and when he did not go
out to school or on some affair of his own--it was not easy to get him
to tell about the latter--he shut himself up in his workroom, a
store-room, about the size of a large wardrobe, wedged in between the
dining-room and his bedroom; and it was a mistake to disturb him there.
At the table or in the sitting-room, he seemed like a stranger. Annette
said to herself bitterly, "If I died he would not even weep."
And she thought of the dream she had once conceived of the dear little
companion, blood of her blood, pressed close against her, divining,
sharing, without words, all the secrets of her heart. How lacking in
affection he was! Why was he so hard? One would have said at moments
that he was angry with her. Why? Because she loved him too much?
"Yes, that is my weakness, loving too much. People do not need it. It
bores them. . . . My son does not love me! He is only too anxious to
leave me. My son is so little my son! He feels nothing of what I feel.
He feels nothing!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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