French fiction -- 20th century -- Translations into English
There was much tenderness in this smile and not a little French irony.
Touched as she was at the thought of them, Annette perceived, curiously
enough, the ridiculous side of all these torments, her own and those of
others . . . that pitiful fever of desire and waiting! For what was she
waiting? An end of love, for herself. For the others, too, in their
turn!
She saw the others, her son, with his burning hands, quivering to grasp
the uncertain future; Philippe, dissatisfied with the commonplace food
that society offered his devouring hunger; Sylvie, trying to forget and
looking to the future that would fill the gaping emptiness of her heart;
the multitude of ordinary people yawning over the boredom of their life;
and youth, restless youth, wandering and waiting. . . . For what was it
waiting? Towards what were its hands stretched out?
Liberated from herself, she looked at all these burden-bearers, saw that
herd, that mob in the streets, hastening, running, each ignoring every
one else, each as if pursued by the sheep-dogs, and, under the apparent
disorder, the sovereign rhythm--all believing they directed themselves,
all directed. . . . Towards what? Whither was he leading them, the
invisible shepherd? . . . The good shepherd? . . . No! Beyond good and
evil. . . .
She gave her lessons as usual, patient and attentive, listening kindly,
explaining clearly, making no mistakes. Even as she spoke, the dream
continued to envelop her. Whoever has formed the habit finds it easy to
live two lives at a time, one on a level with the ground, with other
men, the other in the depths of the dream that is bathed by the inner
sun. One neglects neither of them. One reads them both with a glance as
a musician's eye reads a score. Life is a symphony: each moment of life
sings in several parts. The reverberation of this warm harmony brought
the color to Annette's face. Her pupils to-day were astonished at her
youthful air, and they conceived for her one of those strong attachments
which the young feel for their elders, the Heralds of life, and which
they dare not confess. Annette knew nothing of the wake of love that her
passing left that day in the hearts of those who were near her.
She came home towards evening in the same aerial state. With her light
heart, she felt as if she were moving on air. She could not have
explained it. The powerful enigma of a woman enveloped in her own
radiance, in a joy without apparent reason, even in the face of reason!
Everything that surrounds her, the whole external world is, at these
moments, only a theme for the free improvisations of the passionate
fantasy of her dreams.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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