French fiction -- 20th century -- Translations into English
What forces there were binding Annette and Sylvie together! Pride,
independence, orderliness, will, the life of the senses! Of these two
spirits, the one turned inward, the other outward--the two hemispheres
of the soul. They were constituted of almost the same elements, but
each, for deep, obscure reasons that sprang from the essence of their
personality, repressed one half, wished only to see one half, that which
emerged or that which was submerged. The uniting of the two sisters in a
common life disturbed the habitual consciousness that each had of
herself. Their mutual affection was tinged with hostility. And the
warmer the affection was, the keener was the hidden hostility, for they
realized how hopelessly unlike they were. Annette was more expert in
reading her buried thoughts, and she was also more sincere: she was able
to judge them and repress them. The time had passed when she had wished
to absorb Sylvie in her imperious love. But Sylvie still had a secret
desire to dominate her elder sister, and she was not displeased that
circumstances had given her an opportunity to affirm her superiority. It
was a sort of revenge for the inequalities of their lot during the
girlhood of the two sisters. This unconfessed feeling, together with her
real affection, gave her a sense of satisfaction which she concealed as
she saw Annette working under her direction in the shop. She would have
liked to have her on her pay roll. She put her in charge of receiving
her customers and making charcoal designs for embroidered trimmings; she
tried to persuade her that she could look forward to some important
position and even to being her partner later on in the business.
Annette, who saw what Sylvie was driving at, had no intention of tying
herself down. She let the offer drop, and when Sylvie pressed her she
replied that she was not fitted for this work. Upon this Sylvie asked
her ironically for what work she was fitted. This was a tender point
with her. When one has never had to work for a living and necessity
drives one to do so, it is painful not to know what work one is fitted
for, not even to know whether, in spite of one's education, one is
fitted for any work. But she had to face the question. Annette did not
want to remain dependent on Sylvie. Of course Sylvie would never have
shown that she felt this dependence: she enjoyed helping her sister. But
if she was happy in spending for Annette, she knew what she was
spending; her right hand was never unaware of what her left hand gave.
Annette was still less unaware of it. She could not endure the thought
that Sylvie, as she made up her accounts, mentally wrote her down as her
debtor. . . . The devil take all money! Should it be considered between
two hearts that love each other? Annette and Sylvie did not consider it
in their hearts. But it was a consideration in their life. People do not
live by love alone. They live by money too.
XI
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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