British -- France -- Fiction; Diary fiction; Epistolary fiction; Household employees -- Fiction; Love stories; Young women -- Fiction
Haven’t I often felt inwardly virtuous on the strength of my compassion
(more sentimental than practical!) for Susan’s motherlessness? How do I
know that the poor good creature has not consciously pitied me on the
same account? It isn’t too much to say that Susan has been almost a
mother to me over and over again. Surely, then, it is my duty to be a
mother to her in this big, sudden strain on her simple wits.
Rumour says that Ruddington is all right. But Rumour sometimes has a
lying tongue even when she speaks in a man’s praise. I have no
guarantee whatever that Lord Ruddington intends to treat Susan
honourably. If he doesn’t, I know I shall be a poor defender of Susan,
and that I can’t hope to be his match in worldly knowledge and cunning.
But I don’t mean to fail for want of doing my best.
This is the reply I have drafted:--
THE GRANGE,
TRAXELBY, Friday.
Your letter of Tuesday was not one to be answered, or even acknowledged,
in a hurry.
Indeed, it is only after hesitation that I decide to answer it at all.
How do I know that this unaccountable flame of passion has not died down
as quickly as it sprang up?
But there is a reason why, if I am to reply at all, I ought to do so
to-day. To-morrow we are going to France. We shall be away a month.
You ask me if I am free to bestow my affection where I will. The answer
is--Yes.
Deeply disturbed though I am by your surprising letter, I will not make
a difficult situation more difficult still by anything like coyness. In
fairness to both of us, I will speak as plainly and shortly and
practically as I can.
There is only one direct question in your letter, and I have answered it
above. But there is an indirect question also. You want to know if the
affection which I have not given elsewhere can be given to Lord
Ruddington. The answer is--I do not know.
You have seen _me_, but I have not seen _you_. Again, if I consent, you
will remain in your old rank and station, while I must make a great and
exacting and perilous change. Above all, you declare that you have the
fullest possible inward light on this matter, whereas I have nothing of
the kind. Thus you have a threefold advantage over me.
Reading your letter as an offer of marriage, the most I can say to-day
is that, for the present, I do not refuse it.
Will you write to me once a week (not more) while I am at Sainte
Véronique? Our address will be at the Hôtel du Dauphin.
Meanwhile, I beg most earnestly that you will not try to see me before
we leave to-morrow. This journey to France is surely providential, and
we must not throw its advantages away.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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