Susan Clegg and Her Neighbors' AffairsWarner, Anne
General
Susan Clegg and Her Neighbors' Affairs
Warner, Anne
Humorous stories; United States -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction
"I must go in," she said, "to-morrow is goin' to be a more 'n full day.
There 's Polly's weddin' 'n' then in the evenin' Mr. Weskin is comin'
up. You need n't look surprised, Mrs. Lathrop, because I 've thought the
subject over up 'n' down 'n' hind end foremost 'n' there ain't nothin'
left for me to do. I can't sell nothin' else 'n' I 've got to have
money, so I 'm goin' to let go of one of those bonds as father left me.
There ain't no way out of it; I told Mr. Weskin I 'd expect him at sharp
eight on sharp business, 'n' he 'll come. 'N' I must go as a
consequence. Good night."
PART FOURTH
MR. JILKINS'S HAT
Polly Allen's wedding took place the next day, and Mrs. Lathrop came out
on her front piazza about half past five to wait for her share in the
event.
The sight of Mrs. Brown going by with her head bound up in a white
cloth, accompanied by Gran'ma Mullins with both hands similarly treated,
was the first inkling the stay-at-home had that strange doings had been
lately done.
Susan came next and Susan was a sight! Not only did her ears stand up
with a size and conspicuousness never inherited from either her father
or her mother, but also her right eye was completely closed and she
walked lame.
"The Lord have mercy!" cried Mrs. Lathrop, when the full force of her
friend's affliction effected its complete entrance into her
brain,--"Why, Susan, what--"
"Mrs. Lathrop," said Miss Clegg, "all I can say is I come out better
than the most of 'em, 'n' if you could see Sam Duruy or Mr. Kimball or
the minister you 'd know I spoke the truth. The deacon 'n' Polly is both
in bed 'n' can't see how each other looks, 'n' them as has a eye is
goin' to tend them as can't see at all, an' God help 'em all if young
Dr. Brown an' the mud run dry!" with which pious ejaculation Susan
painfully mounted the steps and sat down with exceeding gentleness upon
a chair.
Mrs. Lathrop stared at her in dumb and wholly bewildered amazement.
After a while Miss Clegg continued.
"It was all the deacon's fault. Him 'n' Polly was so dead set on bein'
fashionable 'n' bein' a contrast to Hiram an Lucy, 'n' I hope to-night
as they lay there all puffed up as they 'll reflect on their folly 'n'
think a little on how the rest of us as did n't care rhyme or reason for
folly is got no choice but to puff up, too. Mrs. Jilkins is awful mad;
she says Mr. Jilkins wanted to wear his straw hat anyhow, 'n' she says
she always has hated his silk hat 'cause it reminds her o' when she was
young 'n' foolish enough to be willin' to go 'n' marry into a family as
was foolish enough to marry into Deacon White. Mrs. Jilkins is extra hot
because she got one in the neck, but my own idea is as Polly Allen's
weddin' was the silliest doin's as I ever see from the beginnin', 'n'
the end wa'n't no more than might o' been expected--all things
considered.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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