Susan Clegg and Her Neighbors' AffairsWarner, Anne
General
Susan Clegg and Her Neighbors' Affairs
Warner, Anne
Humorous stories; United States -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction
"When I got to the church, what do you think was the first thing as I
see, Mrs. Lathrop? Well, you 'd never guess till kingdom come, so I may
as well tell you. It was Ed 'n' Sam Duruy 'n' Henry Ward Beecher 'n'
Johnny standin' there waitin' to show us to our pews like we did n't
know our own pews after sittin' in 'em for all our life-times! I just
shook my head 'n' walked to my pew, 'n' there, if it was n't looped shut
with a daisy-chain! Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I wish you could have been there
to have felt for me, for I may remark as a cyclone is a caterpillar wove
up in hisself beside my face when I see myself daisy-chained out o' my
own pew by Polly Allen. Ed was behind me 'n' he whispered 'That's
reserved for the family.' I give him one look 'n' I will state, Mrs.
Lathrop, as he wilted. It did n't take me long to break that daisy-chain
'n' sit down in that pew, 'n' I can assure you as no one asked me to get
up again. Mrs. Jilkins's cousins from Meadville come 'n' looked at me
sittin' there, but I give them jus' one look back 'n' they went 'n' sat
with Mrs. Macy themselves. A good many other folks was as surprised as
me over where they had to sit, but we soon had other surprises as took
the taste o' the first clean out o' our mouths.
"Just as Mrs. Davison begin to play the organ, Ed 'n' Johnny come down
with two clothes-lines wound 'round with clematis 'n' tied us all in
where we sat. Then they went back 'n' we all stayed still 'n' could n't
but wonder what under the sun was to be done to us next. But we did n't
have long to wait, 'n' I will say as anythin' to beat Polly's ideas I
never see--no--nor no one else neither.
"'Long down the aisle, two 'n' two, 'n' hand in hand, like they thought
they was suthin' pretty to look at, come Ed 'n' Johnny 'n' Henry Ward
Beecher 'n' Sam Duruy, 'n' I vow 'n' declare, Mrs. Lathrop, I never was
so nigh to laughin' in church in all my life. They knowed they was
funny, too, 'n' their mouths 'n' eyes was tight set sober, but some one
in the back just _had_ to giggle, 'n' when we heard it we knew as things
as was n't much any other day would use us up this day, sure. They
stopped in front 'n' lined up, two on a side, 'n' then, for all the
world like it was a machine-play, the little door opened 'n' out come
the minister 'n' solemnly walked down to between them. I must say we was
all more than a little disappointed at its only bein' the minister, 'n'
he must have felt our feelin's, for he began to cough 'n' clear up his
throat 'n' his little desk all at once. Then Mrs. Davison jerked out the
loud stop 'n' began to play for all she was worth, 'n' the door behind
banged 'n' every one turned aroun' to see.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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