“No,” said Sylvia. “Evidently she didn’t!” She sat staring at me, trying
to get up the courage to go on with this plain speaking.
And at last the courage came. “I think it is wrong,” she exclaimed.
“Girls ought not to be kept so ignorant! They ought to know what such
things mean. Why, I didn’t even know what marriage meant!”
“Can that be true?” I asked.
“All my life I had thought of marriage, in a way; I had been trained to
think of it with every eligible man I met--but to me it meant a home, a
place of my own to entertain people in. I pictured myself going driving
with my husband, giving dinner-parties to his friends. I knew I’d have
to let him kiss me, but beyond that--I had a vague idea of something,
but I didn’t think. I had been deliberately trained not to let myself
think--to run away from every image that came to me. And I went on
dreaming of what I’d wear, and how I’d greet my husband when he came
home in the evening.”
“Didn’t you think about children?”
“Yes--but I thought of the CHILDREN. I thought what they’d look like,
and how they’d talk, and how I’d love them. I don’t know if many young
girls shut their minds up like that.”
She was speaking with agitation, and I was gazing into her eyes, reading
more than she knew I was reading. I was nearer to solving the problem
that had been baffling me. And I wanted to take her hands in mine, and
say: “You would never have married him if you’d understood!”
22. Sylvia thought she ought to have been taught, but when she came to
think of it she was unable to suggest who could have done the
teaching. “Your mother?” I asked, and she had to laugh, in spite of the
seriousness of her mood. “Poor dear mamma! When they sent me up here to
boarding school, she took me off and tried to tell me not to listen to
vulgar talk from the girls. She managed to make it clear that I mustn’t
listen to something, and I managed not to listen. I’m sure that even
now she would rather have her tongue cut out than talk to me about such
things.”
“I talked to my children,” I assured her.
“And you didn’t feel embarrassed?”
“I did in the beginning--I had the same shrinkings to overcome. But I
had a tragedy behind me to push me on.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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