I told her the story of my nephew, a shy and sensitive lad, who used to
come to me for consolation, and became as dear to me as my own children.
When he was seventeen he grew moody and despondent; he ran away from
home for six months and more, and then returned and was forgiven--but
that seemed to make no difference. One night he came to see me, and I
tried hard to get him to tell me what was wrong. He wouldn’t, but went
away, and several hours later I found a letter he had shoved under the
table-cloth. I read it, and rushed out and hitched up a horse and drove
like mad to my brother-in-law’s, but I got there too late, the poor boy
had taken a shot-gun to his room, and put the muzzle into his mouth, and
set off the trigger with his foot. In the letter he told me what was the
matter--he had got into trouble with a woman of the town, and had caught
syphilis. He had gone away and tried to get cured, but had fallen into
the hands of a quack, who had taken all his money and left his health
worse than ever, so in despair and shame the poor boy had shot his head
off.
I paused, uncertain if Sylvia would understand the story. “Do you know
what syphilis is?” I asked.
“I suppose--I have heard of what we call a ‘bad disease’” she said.
“It’s a very bad disease. But if the words convey to you that it’s a
disease that bad people get, I should tell you that most men take the
chance of getting it; yet they are cruel enough to despise those upon
whom the ill-luck falls. My poor nephew had been utterly ignorant--I
found out that from his father, too late. An instinct had awakened in
him of which he knew absolutely nothing; his companions had taught him
what it meant, and he had followed their lead. And then had come the
horror and the shame--and some vile, ignorant wretch to trade upon it,
and cast the boy off when he was penniless. So he had come home again,
with his gnawing secret; I pictured him wandering about, trying to make
up his mind to confide in me, wavering between that and the horrible
deed he did.”
I stopped, because even to this day I cannot tell the story without
tears. I cannot keep a picture of the boy in my room, because of the
self-reproaches that haunt me. “You can understand,” I said to Sylvia,
“I never could forget such a lesson. I swore a vow over the poor lad’s
body, that I would never let a boy or girl that I could reach go out in
ignorance into the world. I read up on the subject, and for a while I
was a sort of fanatic--I made people talk, young people and old people.
I broke down the taboos wherever I went, and while I shocked a good
many, I knew that I helped a good many more.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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