England -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction; English fiction -- 20th century; Short stories, English
Woods delivered an address after the second motor-omnibus had been
allowed to leave the yard with its passengers. The early part of the
speech was of an intimate nature and described the treatment to be served
out in the case of the staff again disregarding instructions; the
punishments ranged from skinning alive to instant dismissal. In the
second part, he ordered one to run up to the signwriter in the village.
Later, the procession of flies and wagonettes left the station bearing
notices, “Ruined by Unfair Competition,” and Woods had the satisfaction
of noting that shopkeepers on the line of route came out to inspect; this
would have proved more comforting if they had given any additional signs
of interest. The procession went at a gallop on noting that away in the
distance the second omnibus had stopped, with driver and conductor busy
at the front, passengers looking over anxiously. Mr. Woods counted it as
part of his luck that as the first wagonette arrived the new conveyance
re-started. When, farther on, a man walking shouted an inquiry regarding
cats’ meat, he found it difficult not to make use of the whip.
The Tea Gardens had flags waving at the entrance and along by the hedge
in honour of the occasion; a photographer was giving considerable
attention to the task of securing a good picture of the motor-omnibus
with Mrs. Jarrett and her nieces at the side. The artist said, “Now,
please!” and at that moment the horse driven by Mr. Woods became
unmanageable, causing the ladies to cry, “O—ah!”
When the animal regained self-control, Woods mentioned that it was no
doubt wise to obtain the photograph ere anything amiss happened to the
new conveyances. The motor-man demanded to know what was meant by this.
Woods replied that he always meant what he said. Motor-man, temper
already acutely tried, declared it would be a keen pleasure to punch Mr.
Woods’s nose. Woods retorted that this job required the complete
abilities of a man, and was not therefore within the power of the
omnibus-driver. The other took off his reefer jacket, ordering the
conductor, to take charge of the garment; Woods, forgetting his recent
disapproval of militant tactics, laid his hat on the grass at the side of
the road. At the first blow, Mrs. Jarrett ran forward crying:
“Oh, you mustn’t hurt him! You please mustn’t hurt him!”
“I’m not going to hurt him, ma’am,” said the flushed and excited Mr.
Woods; “I’m only going to kill him.”
“It isn’t him I’m nervous about,” she wailed; “it’s you!”
Woods put on his hat, looked around in a dazed, sheepish way, and, with a
jerk of his head, ordered his men to follow him back to the stables.
“No,” she said appealingly; “I don’t want you to do that.”
“Well, but,” he argued, “what else is there to do? I’m prepared to
listen to anything reasonable. Especially,” he added, “coming from you.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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