The cant of Suffolk, the vulgarisms of Shropshire, the uncouth phraseology of the three ridings of Yorkshire, amaze and bewilder foreigners, who perhaps imagine that they do not understand English, when they are in company with those who cannot speak it. The patois of Languedoc and Champagne, such as “_Mein fis sest ai bai via_,” Mon fils c’est un beau veau, exercises, it is true, the ingenuity of travellers, and renders many scenes of Molière and Marivaux difficult, if not unintelligible, to those who have never resided in the French provinces; but no French patois is more unintelligible than the following specimen of _Tummas_ and _Meary’s_ Lancashire dialogue:-- _Thomas_. “Whau, but I startit up to goa to th’ tits, on slurr’d deawn to th’ lower part o’ th’ heymough, on by th’ maskins, lord! whot dust think? boh leet hump stridd’n up o’ summot ot felt meety heury, on it startit weh meh on its back, deawn th’ lower part o’ th’ mough it jumpt, crost th’ leath, eaw’t o’ th’ dur whimmey it took, on into th’ weturing poo, os if th’ dule o’ hell had driv’n it, on there it threw meh en, or I fell off, I connaw tell whether, for th’ life o’ meh, into the poo.” _Mary_. “Whoo-wo, whoo-wo, whoo! whot, ith neme o’ God! widneh sey?” _Thomas_. “If it wur naw Owd Nick, he wur th’ orderer on’t, to be shure----. Weh mitch powlering I geet eawt o’ th’ poo, ‘lieve[57] meh, as to list, I could na tell whether i’r in a sleawm or wak’n, till eh groapt ot meh een; I crope under a wough and stode like o’ gawmbling,[58] or o parfit neatril, till welly day,” &c. Let us now listen to a conversation which we hope will not be quite so unintelligible. CHAPTER XII. BATH COACH CONVERSATION. In one of the coaches which travel between Bath and London, an Irish, a Scotch, and an English gentleman happened to be passengers. They were well informed and well-bred, had seen the world, had lived in good company, and were consequently superior to local and national prejudice. As their conversation was illustrative of our subject, we shall make no apology for relating it. We pass the usual preliminary compliments, and the observations upon the weather and the roads. The Irish gentleman first started a more interesting subject--the Union; its probable advantages and disadvantages were fully discussed, and, at last, the Irishman said, “Whatever our political opinions may be, there is one wish in which we shall all agree, that the Union may make us better acquainted with one another.” “It is surprising,” said the Englishman, “how ignorant we English in general are of Ireland: to be sure we do not now, as in the times of Bacon and Spenser, believe that wild Irishmen have wings; nor do we all of us give credit, to Mr. Twiss’s assertion, that if you look at an Irish lady, she answers, ‘_port if you please_.’”