His three days’ unannounced and uncommented “leave” had made Bertha very
nervous. She suffered from the incomplete, unsymmetrical appearance her
life now presented. Everything spread out palpably before her, that she
could arrange like a roomful of furniture, was how she liked it. Even in
her present shakedown of a life, Tarr had noticed the way he was treated
as material for “arrangement.” But she had never been able to indulge
this idiosyncrasy much in the past. This was not the first time that she
had found herself in a similar position. Hence her certain air of being
at home in these casual quarters, which belied her.
The detested temporary dwelling in the last few days had been given a
new coat of sombre thought. Found in accidental quarters, had she not
been over-delicate in not suggesting an immediate move into something
more homelike and permanent. People would leave her there for the rest
of her natural life unless she were a little brutal and got _herself_
out somehow. No shadow of un-nice feeling ever tainted her abject
genuineness. Cunning efforts to retain him abounded. But she never blamed
or turned on him. She had given herself long ago, at once, without
ceremony. She awaited his thanks or no thanks simply.
But the itch of action was on her.
Tarr’s absences were like light. His presence was a shadow. They were
both stormy. The last absence had illuminated the undiscipline of her
life. During the revealing luridness, she got to work. Reconstruction was
begun. She had trusted too much in Fate and obedient waiting Hymen.
So Bertha had a similar ferment to Tarr’s.
Anger with herself, dreary appetite for action, would help her over
farewells. She was familiar enough with them, too, in thought. She
would not stir a hand to change things. He must do that. She would only
facilitate things in all directions for him. The new energy delivered
attack after attack upon her hope. She saw nothing beyond Tarr but
measures of utility. The “heart” had always been her most cherished
ornament. _That_ Tarr would take with him, as she would keep his ring and
the books he had given her. She could not now get it back for the asking.
She did not want it! She must indulge her mania for tasteful arrangement
in future without this. Or rather what heart she had left would be rather
like one of those salmon-coloured, corrugated gas office-stoves, compared
to a hearth with a fire of pine.
Tarr had not brought his indifference there to make it play tricks,
perform little feats. Nor did he wish to press it into inhuman actions.
It was a humane “indifference,” essentially. So with reluctance he got
up, and went over to her.
“You haven’t kissed me yet,” he said, in imitation of her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account