Conversation -- Fiction; England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
“By the way,” I remarked, “one is going to be saved all that bother in
the future. They have nearly completed the new railway line. One will
be able to go from Domo d’Orsola to Brieg in a little over the two hours.
They tell me the tunnelling is wonderful.”
“It will be very charming,” sighed the Minor Poet. “I am looking forward
to a future when, thanks to ‘civilisation,’ travel will be done away with
altogether. We shall be sewn up in a sack and shot there. At the time I
speak of we still had to be content with the road winding through some of
the most magnificent scenery in Switzerland. I rather enjoyed the drive
myself, but my companion was quite unable to appreciate it. Not because
she did not care for scenery. As she explained to me, she was
passionately fond of it. But her luggage claimed all her attention.
There were seventeen pieces of it altogether, and every time the ancient
vehicle lurched or swayed, which on an average was once every thirty
seconds, she was in terror lest one or more of them should be jerked out.
Half her day was taken up in counting them and re-arranging them, and the
only view in which she was interested was the cloud of dust behind us.
One bonnet-box did contrive during the course of the journey to make its
escape, after which she sat with her arms round as many of the remaining
sixteen articles as she could encompass, and sighed.”
“I knew an Italian countess,” said the Woman of the World; “she had been
at school with mamma. She never would go half a mile out of her way for
scenery. ‘Why should I?’ she would say. ‘What are the painters for? If
there is anything good, let them bring it to me and I will look at it.
She said she preferred the picture to the real thing, it was so much more
artistic. In the landscape itself, she complained, there was sure to be
a chimney in the distance, or a restaurant in the foreground, that spoilt
the whole effect. The artist left it out. If necessary, he could put in
a cow or a pretty girl to help the thing. The actual cow, if it happened
to be there at all, would probably be standing the wrong way round; the
girl, in all likelihood, would be fat and plain, or be wearing the wrong
hat. The artist knew precisely the sort of girl that ought to be there,
and saw to it that she was there, with just the right sort of hat. She
said she had found it so all through life—the poster was always an
improvement on the play.”
[Picture: The artist knew precisely the sort of girl that ought to be
there]
“It is rapidly coming to that,” answered the Minor Poet. “Nature, as a
well known painter once put it, is not ‘creeping up’ fast enough to keep
pace with our ideals. In advanced Germany they improve the waterfalls
and ornament the rocks. In Paris they paint the babies’ faces.”
“You can hardly lay the blame for that upon civilisation,” pleaded the
Girton Girl. “The ancient Briton had a pretty taste in woads.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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