It was strange that Thérèse only remembered the days that followed the
departure of Anne and of the La Traves as of a period of torpor. At
Argelouse, where it had been agreed that she should find the best means
of working on Azévédo and making him give the girl up, she thought of
nothing but rest and sleep. Bernard had agreed not to live in his own
house, but in Thérèse’s, which was much more comfortable and where
Aunt Clara spared them all the worries of housekeeping. What did other
people matter to Thérèse? Let them arrange their own affairs. She
refused to emerge from her stupor until the child was born. Bernard
annoyed her every morning by reminding her of her promise to see Jean
Azévédo. But Thérèse snubbed him: she began to be less able to endure
his company. It may be that her pregnancy, as Bernard believed, had
something to do with her ill-humour. He himself was just undergoing
the first attacks of an obsession so common in the men of his race,
though it rarely shows itself before the thirtieth year: the fear
of death, that seemed at first so astonishing in a young man of his
solid physique. But what could one say when he protested: “You don’t
know what I feel like.” Men like him, mighty eaters, sprung from a
lazy and overfed race, have only the appearance of strength. A pine
tree planted in a manured field shoots up quickly: but very soon the
heart of the tree grows rotten, and it must be cut down in the height
of its strength. “It’s nerves”: people would say to Bernard: but he
himself felt the flaw in the metal. Besides, though it was almost
inconceivable, he hardly ate, he was no longer hungry. “Why don’t you
see a doctor?” He shrugged his shoulders with affected indifference:
as a matter of fact, uncertainty seemed to him less terrible than a
possible verdict of death. In the night Thérèse was sometimes awakened
with a start by his gasps for breath: Bernard’s hand sought hers and he
laid it against his left chest so that she could feel the intermittent
beating of his heart. She lit the candle, got up, and poured some
valerian into a glass of water. How lucky it was, she thought, that
this mixture was harmless! Why wasn’t it mortal? Nothing really
soothes, and brings sleep, unless it does so for all eternity. Why was
this querulous creature so frightened of what would bring him relief
once and for all? He went to sleep before she did. How could she lie
and wait for sleep beside this great carcass whose snorings sometimes
turned to choking agony? Thank God, he no longer came near her,--he
thought love-making the most dangerous of all activities for his heart.
The cocks of dawn brought the farms to life. The Angelus of Saint Clair
tinkled in the east wind; Thérèse’s eyes at last closed. Then the
man’s body began to stir once more: he dressed himself quickly, like
a peasant (he scarcely put his head into cold water). He crept like
a dog down to the kitchen, sniffing after the scraps in the larder:
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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