"Because," replied the man, undisturbed, "I was never with him when he was alone." *WHAT SHE WANTED* An old lady on her first railroad trip remarked the bell cord overhead, and was told by a mischievous boy that it was to ring when it was desired to get anything to eat. Shortly afterward the old lady reached her umbrella up to the cord and gave it a vigorous pull. The whistle sounded, brakes were put on, the train began to slacken its speed. Presently the conductor came rushing through the train and asked: "Who pulled the bell?" "I did," replied the old lady, meekly. "Well, what do you want?" snapped the official, impatiently. "You may bring me some ham sandwiches and a cup of tea, if you will." *NO WONDER* A certain well-known scientist in Washington was left in charge of his family of small children, as his wife expected to be absent some hours. Upon her return in the early evening she found the house unusually quiet, and wished to know what had become of the children. The husband explained that, as they had been rather noisy he himself had put them to bed without waiting for her return. "I hope they gave you no trouble," she said. "No," replied the scientist, "with the exception of the one in the cot here. He objected a good deal to my undressing him and putting him to bed." The wife went to inspect the cot. "Why," she exclaimed, "that’s little Sammy from next door!" *WAS IT MONEY HE WANTED?* A professor in a Washington law school had occasion to illustrate to his class the smallness of the world. "Gentlemen," he said, "let me state my own experience. While in Paris last summer I met a man from my own home town; then again in Venice I met him; and again in London. This year while visiting Yellowstone Park, I met him again, and----" "I say, professor," broke in one of the class, "wouldn’t it have been better to have paid the man instead of keeping him following you that way?" *REVERSED BLACKSTONE* A certain justice of the peace in a Western town had reached a conclusion as to a question of law highly satisfactory to himself. He refused to entertain an argument by the opposing counsel. "If your honor pleases," counsel pleaded, "I should like to cite a few authorities upon the point." "The court knows the law and is thoroughly advised in the premises," snapped the justice. "It was not," continued counsel, "with an idea of convincing your honor that you were wrong, but I did want so much to show you what a fool old Blackstone was." *VALUE OF ADVERTISING* At a recent political meeting, the speakers were much disturbed by a man who called constantly for a Mr. Henry. Whenever a new speaker came on this man bawled out, "Henry! Henry! I call for Mr. Henry!"