"Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in." *ALL HIS WEALTH* It was at a fashionable wedding in Savannah. The bridegroom had no visible means of support save his father, who was rich; but when he repeated that portion of the service he said boldly: "’With all my worldly goods I thee endow!’" Whereupon the father said in a stage whisper that could be heard all over the church: "Heavens! There goes his bicycle!" *WERE PREJUDICED* It is known that a jury, theoretically, is composed of a set of unprejudiced men with open minds, still there may be occasions when a slight personal feeling invades their ranks. Such was evidently the thought borne in upon the tailor who, rising to state his case, and having declined the services of a lawyer for reasons best known to himself, looked over the jurymen and then turned to the judge. "It’s no use for me to tell you about this case, your honor," he said, dejectedly, "not unless you dismiss that jury and get in a new lot. There isn’t a man among ’em but owes me something for clothes." *KNEW HIS AUDIENCE* Bishop Ames tells a story of a slave master in Missouri in the olden time of negro vassalage, who said to his chattel: "Pompey, I hear you are a great preacher." "Yes, massa, de Lord do help me powerful sometimes." "Well, Pompey, don’t you think the negroes steal little things on the plantation?" "I’se mighty ’fraid they do, massa." "Then, Pompey, I want you to preach a sermon to the negroes about stealing." After a brief reflection, Pompey replied: "You see, massa, dat wouldn’t never do, ’cause ’twould trow such a col’ness over de meetin’." *LOVE OF ACCURACY* Mark Twain had an aged negro servant, who some time ago celebrated his wedding anniversary by inviting in twelve friends to a ’possum dinner. Twelve by no means marked the extent of the servant’s friends, and those unbidden to the feast concluded that, after all, they did not think much of it. One of the more progressive started the report that instead of ’possum the host served plain coons. The next day Mr. Clemens said to the servant, "Jim, I’ve found you a truthful fellow. I want you to tell me honestly which you had for dinner last night, ’possum or coons?" The old servant hesitated, but in an instant said, "Which do you mean, Mistah Clemens, on the table or around the table?" *NON-UNION LABOR* A bookseller in Oklahoma purchased a lot of books at a sale. Finding several sets of Charles Dickens’s works in this stock, he decided to make a special price on them, so he put all of them in the large show window, with the following sign in very large letters: "Charles Dickens Works All Week for Two Dollars." A Kansas farmer who had drifted down that way walked up to this window. Reading the sign he said: