The £1,000,000 bank-note, and other new storiesTwain, Mark
General
The £1,000,000 bank-note, and other new stories
Twain, Mark
American essays -- 19th century; American fiction -- 19th century; Humorous stories, American
Well, don’t you see what was bound to happen? I drifted naturally into
buying whatever I wanted, and asking for change. Within a week I was
sumptuously equipped with all needful comforts and luxuries, and was
housed in an expensive private hotel in Hanover Square. I took my
dinners there, but for breakfast I stuck by Harris’s humble
feeding-house, where I had got my first meal on my million-pound bill. I
was the making of Harris. The fact had gone all abroad that the foreign
crank who carried million-pound bills in his vest-pocket was the patron
saint of the place. That was enough. From being a poor, struggling,
little hand-to-mouth enterprise, it had become celebrated, and
overcrowded with customers. Harris was so grateful that he forced loans
upon me, and would not be denied; and so, pauper as I was, I had money
to spend, and was living like the rich and the great. I judged that
there was going to be a crash by and by, but I was in, now, and must
swim across or drown. You see there was just that element of impending
disaster to give a serious side, a sober side, yes, a tragic side, to a
state of things which would otherwise have been purely ridiculous. In
the night, in the dark, the tragedy part was always to the front, and
always warning, always threatening; and so I moaned and tossed, and
sleep was hard to find. But in the cheerful daylight the tragedy element
faded out and disappeared, and I walked on air, and was happy to
giddiness, to intoxication, you may say.
And it was natural; for I had become one of the notorieties of the
metropolis of the world, and it turned my head, not just a little, but a
good deal. You could not take up a newspaper, English, Scotch, or Irish,
without finding in it one or more references to the ‘vest-pocket
million-pounder’ and his latest doings and sayings. At first, in these
mentions, I was at the bottom of the personal gossip column; next, I was
listed above the knights, next above the baronets, next above the
barons, and so on, and so on, climbing steadily, as my notoriety
augmented, until I reached the highest altitude possible, and there I
remained, taking precedence of all dukes not royal, and of all
ecclesiastics except the Primate of all England. But, mind, this was not
fame; as yet I had achieved only notoriety. Then came the climaxing
stroke—the accolade, so to speak—which in a single instance transmuted
the perishable dross of notoriety into the enduring gold of fame:
‘Punch’ caricatured me! Yes, I was a made man, now: my place was
established. I might be joked about still, but reverently, not
hilariously, not rudely; I could be smiled at, but not laughed at. The
time for that had gone by. ‘Punch’ pictured me all a-flutter with rags,
dickering with a beefeater for the Tower of London. Well, you can
imagine how it was with a young fellow who had never been taken notice
of before, and now all of a sudden couldn’t say a thing that wasn’t
taken up and repeated everywhere; couldn’t stir abroad without
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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