The Abandoned Farmers: His Humorous Account of a Retreat from the City to the Farm — John Shaqi
The Abandoned Farmers: His Humorous Account of a Retreat from the City to the FarmCobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
General
The Abandoned Farmers: His Humorous Account of a Retreat from the City to the Farm
Cobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
Farms -- Recreational use -- United States -- Fiction; Humorous stories
Buried in this wilderness was an old frame residence, slanting tipsily
on its rotted sills; and the cellar under it was a noisome damp hole,
half filled with stones that had dropped out of the tottering foundation
walls. There was a farmer's cottage which from decay and neglect seemed
ready to topple over; likewise the remains of a cow barn, where no
self-respecting cow would voluntarily spend a night; the moldy ruins
of a coach house, an ice house and a chicken house; and flanking these,
piles of broken, crumbling boards to mark the sites of sundry cribs and
sheds.
The barn alone had resisted neglect and the gnawing tooth of time. This
was because it had been built in the time when barns were built to stay.
It had big, hand-hewn oak sticks for its beams and rafters and sills;
and though its roof was a lacework of rotted shingles and its sides were
full of gaps to let the weather in, its frame was as solid and enduring
as on the day when it was finished. This, in short and in fine, was what
we in our ignorance had acquired. To us it was a splendid asset. Persons
who knew more than we did might have called it a liability.
All our friends, though, were most sanguine and most cheerful
regarding the prospect. Jauntily and with few words they dismissed the
difficulties of the prospect that faced us; and with the same jauntiness
we, also, dismissed them.
“Oh, you won't have so very much to do!” I hear them saying. “To be
sure, there's a road to be built--not over a quarter of a mile of
road, exclusive of the turnround at your garage--when you've built your
garage--and the turn in front of your house--when you've built your
house. It shouldn't take you long to clear up the fields and get them
under cultivation. All you'll have to do there is pick the loose stones
off of them and plow the land up, and harrow it and grade it in places,
and spread a few hundred wagonloads of fertilizer; and then sow your
grass seed. That old horsepond yonder will make you a perfectly lovely
swimming pool, once you've cleaned it out and deepened it at this end,
and built retaining walls round it, and put in a concrete basin, and
waterproofed the sides and bottom. You must have a swimming pool by all
means!
“And then, by running a hundred-foot dam across that low place in the
valley you can have a wonderful little lake. You surely must have a lake
to go with the swimming pool! Then, when you've dug your artesian well,
you can couple up all your springs for an emergency supply. You know you
can easily pipe the spring water into a tank and conserve it there. Then
you'll have all the water you possibly can need--except, of course, in
very dry weather in mid-summer.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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