The Abandoned Farmers: His Humorous Account of a Retreat from the City to the FarmCobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
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The Abandoned Farmers: His Humorous Account of a Retreat from the City to the Farm
Cobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
Farms -- Recreational use -- United States -- Fiction; Humorous stories
And within a week after that he returned a third time to put me on
my guard against one or two more individuals who somehow had been
overlooked by him in his previous visits. Rarely did he come out in the
open and accuse anybody of anything. He was too crafty, too subtle for
that. The major was a regular sutler. But he certainly did understand
the art of planting the poison. Give him time enough, and he could
destroy a fellow's confidence in the entire human race.
He specialized in no single direction; his gifts were ample for all
emergencies. When he tired of making you distrustful of those about you,
or when temporarily he ran out of material, he knew the knack of making
you distrustful of your own judgment. For example, there was the
time, in the second month of our acquaintance I think it was, when
he meandered in to inspect the work of renovation that had just been
started on the stable. He spent perhaps ten minutes going over the
premises, now and then uttering low, disparaging, clucking sounds under
his breath. I followed him about fearsomely. I was distressed on account
of the disclosures that I felt would presently be forthcoming.
“Putting on a slate roof, eh?” he said when he was done with the
investigation. “Expect it to stay put?”
I admitted that such had been the calculation of the builder.
“Nothing like being one of these here optimists,” he commented dryly.
“But I want to tell you that it's the biggest mistake you ever made to
put a slate roof on those sloping gables without sticking in some metal
uprights to keep the snow from sliding off in a lump when the winter
thaws come.”
It had always seemed to me that snow had few enough pleasures as it was.
Though I had given the subject but little thought, it appeared to me
that if sliding off a roof gave the snow any satisfaction it would ill
become me or any one else to interfere. I ventured to say as much.
“I guess you don't get my meaning,” he explained. “When the snow starts
sliding, if there's enough of it, it's purty sure to take most of those
slates along with it. And then where'll you be, I want to know?”
“Is--is it too late to put up some anti-sliding thingumbobs now?” I
asked.
“Oh, yes,” he said comfortingly; “it's too late now unless you ripped
the whole job off and started all over again. I judge you'll just have
to let Nature take its course. I see you've got a chimney that don't
come over the ridge of the roof. Are you calculating that it'll draw?”
“I rather hoped it would--that was the intention, I believe.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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