The Abandoned Farmers: His Humorous Account of a Retreat from the City to the FarmCobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
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The Abandoned Farmers: His Humorous Account of a Retreat from the City to the Farm
Cobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
Farms -- Recreational use -- United States -- Fiction; Humorous stories
When the house was up as far as the second floor and the first mortgage,
talk rose touching on the furnishings. To me it seemed there would be
ample time a decade or so thence to begin thinking of the furnishings.
So far as I could tell there was no hurry and probably there never would
be any hurry. For the job had reached that stage so dismally familiar
to any one who ever started a house with intent to live in it when
completed, if ever. I refer to the stage when a large and variegated
assortment of hired help are ostensibly busy upon the premises and yet
everything seems practically to be at a standstill. From the standpoint
of a mere bystander whose only function is to pay the bills, it seems
that the workmen are only coming to the job of a morning because they
hate the idea of hanging round their own homes all day with nothing to
do.
So it was with us. Sawing and hammering and steam fitting and plumbing
and stone-lying and brick-lying were presumed to be going on; laborers
were wielding the languid pick; a roof layer was defying the laws of
gravitation on our ridgepole; at stated intervals there were great gobs
of payments on account of this or that to be met and still and yet and
notwithstanding, to the lay eye the progress appeared infinitesimal. For
the first time I could understand why Pharaoh or Rameses or whoever it
was that built the Pyramids displayed peevishness toward the Children
of Israel. Indeed I developed a cordial sympathy for him. He had my best
wishes. They were four or five thousand years late, but even so he had
'em and welcome.
Accordingly when the matter of investing in furnishings was broached I
stoutly demurred. As I recall, I spoke substantially as follows:
“Why all this mad haste? Rome wasn't built in a day, as I have often
heard, and in view of my own recent experiences I am ready to make
affidavit to the fact. I'll go further than that. I'll bet any sum
within reason, up to a million dollars, that the meanest smokehouse
in Rome was not built in a day. No Roman smokehouse--Ionic, Doric,
Corinthian or Old Line Etruscan--is barred.
“Unless workingmen have changed a whole lot since those times, it was
not possible to begin to start to commence to get ready to go ahead to
proceed to advance with that smokehouse or any other smokehouse in a
day. And after they did get started they dallied along and dallied along
and killed time until process curing came into fashion among the best
families of Ancient Rome and smokehouses lost their vogue altogether.
Let us not be too impetuous about the detail of furnishings. I have a
feeling--a feeling based on my own observations over yonder at the site
of our own little undertaking--that when that house is really done the
only furnishings we'll require will be a couple of wheel chairs and
something to warm up spoon victuals in.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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