The Admirable CrichtonBarrie, J. M. (James Matthew)
General
The Admirable Crichton
Barrie, J. M. (James Matthew)
Manners and customs -- Drama; Shipwrecks -- Drama
CRICHTON (still more vaguely). That’s right. (He takes command of
himself again, and signs to them to sit down. ERNEST comes in cheerily,
but finding CRICHTON here is suddenly weak. He subsides on a chair,
wondering what has happened.)
CRICHTON (surveying him). Ernest. (ERNEST rises.) You are becoming a
little slovenly in your dress, Ernest; I don’t like it.
ERNEST (respectfully). Thank you. (ERNEST sits again. DADDY and TREHERNE
arrive.)
CRICHTON. Daddy, I want you.
LORD LOAM (with a sinking). Is it because I forgot to clean out the dam?
CRICHTON (encouragingly). No, no. (He pours some wine into a goblet.) A
glass of wine with you, Daddy.
LORD LOAM (hastily). Your health, Gov. (He is about to drink, but the
master checks him.)
CRICHTON. And hers. Daddy, this lady has done me the honour to promise
to be my wife.
LORD LOAM (astounded). Polly!
CRICHTON (a little perturbed). I ought first to have asked your consent.
I deeply regret--but nature; may I hope I have your approval?
LORD LOAM. May you, Gov.? (Delighted.) Rather! Polly! (He puts his proud
arms round her.)
TREHERNE. We all congratulate you, Gov., most heartily.
ERNEST. Long life to you both, sir.
(There is much shaking of hands, all of which is sincere.)
TREHERNE. When will it be, Gov.?
CRICHTON (after turning to LADY MARY, who whispers to him). As soon as
the bridal skirt can be prepared. (His manner has been most indulgent,
and without the slightest suggestion of patronage. But he knows it
is best for all that he should keep his place, and that his presence
hampers them.) My friends, I thank you for your good wishes, I thank you
all. And now, perhaps you would like me to leave you to yourselves. Be
joyous. Let there be song and dance to-night. Polly, I shall take my
coffee in the parlour--you understand.
(He retires with pleasant dignity. Immediately there is a rush of two
girls at LADY MARY.)
LADY MARY. Oh, oh! Father, they are pinching me.
LORD LOAM (taking her under his protection). Agatha, Catherine, never
presume to pinch your sister again. On the other hand, she may pinch you
henceforth as much as ever she chooses.
(In the meantime TWEENY is weeping softly, and the two are not above
using her as a weapon.)
CATHERINE. Poor Tweeny, it’s a shame.
AGATHA. After he had almost promised you.
TWEENY (loyally turning on them). No, he never did. He was always
honourable as could be. ‘Twas me as was too vulgar. Don’t you dare say a
word agin that man.
ERNEST (to LORD LOAM). You’ll get a lot of tit-bits out of this, Daddy.
LORD LOAM. That’s what I was thinking.
ERNEST (plunged in thought). I dare say I shall have to clean out the
dam now.
LORD LOAM (heartlessly). I dare say. (His gay old heart makes him again
proclaim that he is a chickety chick. He seizes the concertina.)
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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