The Adventures of My Cousin SmoothTempleton, Timothy
General
The Adventures of My Cousin Smooth
Templeton, Timothy
Pierce, Franklin, 1804-1869 -- Humor; United States -- Politics and government -- 1853-1857
"'Lord love yer political faith, General!' said I, rising up and
taking him firmly by the hand.
"'Ye'll do for the Young America, that ye will! There'll be no more
old-fogyism--no more of the slow-coach school! Take another bumper,
and you'll be ripe for the new party.' The General, with less dignity
than you might have supposed him capable of condescending to, filled
his glass, drew his chair back, threw his square figure well over the
arms, and roared right out until it became dangerous. At length he
began to drink his whiskey, and that stopped his joy for a time. But
he soon broke out afresh. 'What on earth is the matter with you,
stranger? you ain't going to make a shaking machine of your broad
sides, be ye?' says I, giving him a look that would have pierced a
stone wall.
"'You must excuse me, Mr. Smooth, but the principles of your party
would make anybody laugh; why!--its sprouting members are all growing
out of their breeches. Where, in that stretchy imagination the party
possesses, can you find a place for the moon, which of necessity must
follow in the train of annexation?' he inquires seriously.
"'Put it? Why, Gineral, you have been stowed away so long, keeping
dog-watch over fogyism, that you don't comprehend how Uncle Sam has
been transformed into a go-ahead chap to suit the times. Consul
Saunders 'll bridge the Gulf Stream, and thus unite Cuba and Cape
Florida; and, his pockets well lined with letter-writing materials, be
first to march over it and proclaim manifest destiny to the
natives. As for the moon, George will find a place in the compact for
her.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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