Death -- Fiction; Forgiveness -- Fiction; Memory -- Fiction
He had learned after a long time that she earned money by her pen,
writing under a pseudonym she never disclosed in magazines he never saw.
She knew too well what he couldn’t read and what she couldn’t write, and
she taught him to cultivate indifference with a success that did much for
their good relations. Her invisible industry was a convenience to him;
it helped his contented thought of her, the thought that rested in the
dignity of her proud obscure life, her little remunerated art and her
little impenetrable home. Lost, with her decayed relative, in her dim
suburban world, she came to the surface for him in distant places. She
was really the priestess of his altar, and whenever he quitted England he
committed it to her keeping. She proved to him afresh that women have
more of the spirit of religion than men; he felt his fidelity pale and
faint in comparison with hers. He often said to her that since he had so
little time to live he rejoiced in her having so much; so glad was he to
think she would guard the temple when he should have been called. He had
a great plan for that, which of course he told her too, a bequest of
money to keep it up in undiminished state. Of the administration of this
fund he would appoint her superintendent, and if the spirit should move
her she might kindle a taper even for him.
“And who will kindle one even for me?” she then seriously asked.
CHAPTER VI.
She was always in mourning, yet the day he came back from the longest
absence he had yet made her appearance immediately told him she had
lately had a bereavement. They met on this occasion as she was leaving
the church, so that postponing his own entrance he instantly offered to
turn round and walk away with her. She considered, then she said: “Go in
now, but come and see me in an hour.” He knew the small vista of her
street, closed at the end and as dreary as an empty pocket, where the
pairs of shabby little houses, semi-detached but indissolubly united,
were like married couples on bad terms. Often, however, as he had gone
to the beginning he had never gone beyond. Her aunt was dead—that he
immediately guessed, as well as that it made a difference; but when she
had for the first time mentioned her number he found himself, on her
leaving him, not a little agitated by this sudden liberality. She wasn’t
a person with whom, after all, one got on so very fast: it had taken him
months and months to learn her name, years and years to learn her
address. If she had looked, on this reunion, so much older to him, how
in the world did he look to her? She had reached the period of life he
had long since reached, when, after separations, the marked clock-face of
the friend we meet announces the hour we have tried to forget. He
couldn’t have said what he expected as, at the end of his waiting, he
turned the corner where for years he had always paused; simply not to
pause was a efficient cause for emotion. It was an event, somehow; and
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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